I Am Not Your Honey

Or your sweetie
Or your baby
Or your sugar pie, honey bunch, or bae.

In romantic relationships, we tend to develop a private language. We have our inside jokes, our frequently used phrases, and our nicknames.

A nickname is a fun, playful way to express your feelings for your partner and establish a level of familiarity and comfort in the relationship. These terms of endearment run the gamut from classic to cute to bizarre. Pet names like “sweetheart” and “honey” have been around for hundreds of years (since the thirteenth and fourteenth centuries, respectively), while newcomer “bae” is a twenty-first-century invention.
~Grammarly Blog

I admit it drives me a bit crazy when people I do not know think they can just call me honey or sweetie. If you're sending me our first ever private message and your start with "Hey Sexy" because you're too lazy to edit your cut-and-paste message with my name, then do not expect a positive response. 🙄

There are a few (very few) exceptions to this here on SW. A few people I've grown very close to and smile a little when they call me sweetie or something similar. But we've grown into that. We chatted here in stories and in private and developed a relationship of mutual trust and genuine affection. That's when "Jess" gets replaced with something fun and sweet and smile-inducing. 😁

If you want to get there someday, then start with "Jess" because if you start with baby, our relationship will be short-lived. 😒

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Sandcastler · 26-30, M

I understand your reasoning and I agree with you. But annoucing it like this is incredibly conceited.

IAmJess · 22-25, F

@Sandcastler Why is it conceited to tell people not to approach me like this? I get one PM a day with some kind of nickname (some of them actually offensive) and right away it means I'm not going to talk to that person. Seems I'm doing them a favor here letting them know?

Sandcastler · 26-30, M

@IAmJess Because announcing to people how they are allowed to get into a relationship with you is conceited. The mature thing to do is treat cases individually or adjust your mail filter. Or simply ignore the messages.

I really do understand how degrading this kind of messaging is but it is a systemic problem and it deserves a systemic solution, not a self-centered rant.

IAmJess · 22-25, F

@Sandcastler But this is an attempt at a systemic solution ... a public service announcement of sorts.

Treating cases individually is the opposite of a systemic solution and is the most irritating method for the recipient of such messages.

Sandcastler · 26-30, M

But do you think this will stop people from sending you that kind of message?

Maybe I'm wrong.

I think what I really dislike about your post is how you assume that these people are beneath you. I really hate getting messages like that because of how insensitive they are, but I know for a fact that I've done it a few times accidentally just because I wasn't fully considering the implications of my message. Connotation shifts very easily via text, especially with strangers.

Because of the sheer exposure of the internet, even if everyone on here were a mature respectful person, it would only take them making a mistake 1% of the time for lots of people like you to get crappy denominations.

You also have to accept that some women do genuinely like to be messaged like that.

Finally, I'll add that men really don't get compliments. I don't that mean as an exageration. So as a result, men tend to be quite bad a giving compliments, because of lack of feedback.

IAmJess · 22-25, F

@Sandcastler Okay, so let me break the trend here. I LOVE that you disagree with my post and yet have tried to engage me in a respectful conversation about it. This makes me want to know more about you so I will be visiting you profile. You have me intrigued.

As for what you said here, do I think I will change anyone? Idk, maybe not, but I now have a post that I can link to people who message me that way.

And yes, I do know that many women do love being approached this way, but I think that is regional. Like, down south, I think the use of unearned terms of endearment is almost defacto standard. Here in the northeast, not so much.