I Want To Write My Random Thoughts And Feelings
I compare the experience of my life to that of being at a restaurant, in which you're expected to make an order from a menu. The restaurant is earth, and the menu is the various things on offer, the various things that are available to have and do within this restaurant (earth).
At some point you're going to have to make an order, because you're at a restaurant, and an order is what's expected - an order is the very reason for being there in the first place. Everybody else knows what they're going to have and what they're going to do, but when it's your turn to order, you can't help but scratch your head, and you begin to worry... seriously worry.
What happens when you're ok with the restaurant, but you're not too keen on the menu? The restaurant is ok. The restaurant is fine - you like the atmosphere, the music & the people. But what's being offered doesn't particular grab your interest, what's being presented isn't really your kind of thing at all. And there's no other restaurant in town, and because you can't find anything to order you begin to wonder if there's any point being at this restaurant any more.
This restaurant, earth, has always seemed to have an extremely limited menu for my tastes. If you're not interested in bolstering the sense of who you are to get ahead in the world; if you're not interested in acquiring things or proving things to others; and if you're not interested in worldly pursuits just for sake of it, it pretty much leaves you on the sidelines of life, watching everything quietly unfold around you. But you're never really apart of it...
You're reduced to being a passive, uninterested observer, but you're only passive because the menu hasn't grabbed your soul. It hasn't stirred your appetite in any way. You politely go along with things and pretend the menu has what you want. But it really doesn't. And you know that it doesn't.
This particular restaurant was built for a very specific type of customer only, and I am not this customer. I never have been. I can't be. The menu just isn't for me. I've honestly always preferred the idea of just watching everybody else having fun and enjoying the restaurant from afar. My participation has always seemed unnecessary to me, as it never really feels as though I'm participating at all.
At some point you're going to have to make an order, because you're at a restaurant, and an order is what's expected - an order is the very reason for being there in the first place. Everybody else knows what they're going to have and what they're going to do, but when it's your turn to order, you can't help but scratch your head, and you begin to worry... seriously worry.
What happens when you're ok with the restaurant, but you're not too keen on the menu? The restaurant is ok. The restaurant is fine - you like the atmosphere, the music & the people. But what's being offered doesn't particular grab your interest, what's being presented isn't really your kind of thing at all. And there's no other restaurant in town, and because you can't find anything to order you begin to wonder if there's any point being at this restaurant any more.
This restaurant, earth, has always seemed to have an extremely limited menu for my tastes. If you're not interested in bolstering the sense of who you are to get ahead in the world; if you're not interested in acquiring things or proving things to others; and if you're not interested in worldly pursuits just for sake of it, it pretty much leaves you on the sidelines of life, watching everything quietly unfold around you. But you're never really apart of it...
You're reduced to being a passive, uninterested observer, but you're only passive because the menu hasn't grabbed your soul. It hasn't stirred your appetite in any way. You politely go along with things and pretend the menu has what you want. But it really doesn't. And you know that it doesn't.
This particular restaurant was built for a very specific type of customer only, and I am not this customer. I never have been. I can't be. The menu just isn't for me. I've honestly always preferred the idea of just watching everybody else having fun and enjoying the restaurant from afar. My participation has always seemed unnecessary to me, as it never really feels as though I'm participating at all.
31-35, M
