I Have Random Thoughts

I call bullshit on that - that's exactly how toxic people want you to see it - they want you to turn it around on yourself and place the blame on your perceptions of their words/actions, rather than seeing those words/actions for the toxic bullshit that they are. But some people are incapable of having a contrary opinion without being arrogant about it and trying to knock you down a peg just so that they can be right. They'll twist the truth and blow small things out of proportion and do whatever it takes to destroy anything that even remotely threatens their viewpoint, because their viewpoint isn't based on anything except ego. That has nothing to do with your perceptions of their actions - it has to do with them being arrogant assholes.

@BlueDiver: Yes, but sometimes it truly is our own crap that causes us to perceive things a certain way. For instance, because of hurts in my past, I can more easily assume a person is trying to hurt me on purpose with their words when they're doing nothing of the sort. It's my own skewed perception that makes it seem that way. If I step back from it and look at it without the lens of my past hurt, I can clearly see no hurt was intended by the person. Obviously if they are purposely being an asshole, that's different. I'm just saying it's possible that it isn't the other person who is the problem every time. Especially if they are not a toxic person.

I suppose that is true, though the people that you're talking about aren't the people that I'm talking about in this story. Is your example a subtle way of telling me that I sometimes assume that people are trying to hurt me with their words when really they didn't mean anything by it, or am I reading too much into it?

@BlueDiver: Lol, I was talking about me, not you. You're reading into it. You said non toxic people, so I assumed you meant people who weren't purposely trying to be scumbags. In THAT case, I'm simply saying it isn't always the other person who makes the arguing toxic. It can be my own reactions or perceptions or misperceptions that turn a discussion from being productive to being a toxic argument.

Well, take C---- for example (asshole boss - you know who I'm talking about). He's not toxic to work with, but with his ego he'd be utterly toxic to argue with. In that case it wouldn't have anything to do with my perceptions. That's the kind of thing that I'm talking about with this story. But I mean, you're right, it's a fine line between, on one hand, protecting yourself by not letting people protect their egos by shitting all over you (which is what this story is about) and on the other hand, recognizing when *you're* the one who's blowing things out of proportion because you're being oversensitive (which is what you're talking about).

@BlueDiver: Ahhh, I see what you're saying. Yes, I agree.