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My phone’s fine.

Tech companies: “No it’s not. Buy a new one.”

I’m back to using actual websites. Now it can’t get updates anymore, and suddenly half my apps won’t work
and I swear this Galaxy S9 still has more life in it than half the new models.

Make it make sense.
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Yea, they keep updating the backend the apps need to run on, this eventually mothballs older models. It's all a carefully orchestrated plot to get your money. It isn't just cell phones either. Nothing you can do about it either.
How about the fluctuating price of gas... oh, a car accident on the interstate, prices rise 20 cents.