Pop-Tarts: lava. Coffee maker: useless. Childhood: lies.

Daughter wanted Pop-Tarts. I pull them out of the toaster, heads up, those things are molten lava.
Pretty sure they didn’t try to melt my fingers when I was a kid.
Then I push the start button on my coffee maker, and it just keeps shutting off.

Not today, stupid machine. Don’t test me, I have a wood chipper and I’m not afraid to use it.