I Have Random Thoughts

I feel like there are two different... inner forces? (not sure if that's the right word) - that drive us to live. It's like, on one hand, there's not wanting to die, for the sake of wanting to avoid having to be dead, and on the other hand, there's wanting to live, for the sake of being able to live your life. Either one is enough to not put a bullet in your head, but I think that a lot of the people who's lives are really hollow (myself included) have the former, but not the latter. And I think that living in that state opens the door to a lot of carelessness and self destructive choices.