I Want To Write My Random Thoughts And Feelings
I have very random thoughts and feelings every day, but I find I rarely get the chance to discuss them with those around me, for obvious reasons.
Actually, a lot of the time the "thoughts" stem from random feelings I get- usually not so good and very intense in nature. Sometimes looking at certain objects, ads in magazines or on a billboards, TV commercials, or even thinking of certain strings of thoughts that tend to get repeated together can trigger these thoughts/feelings. I call the bad ones "mind closets" and the good ones "roughies." My sister knows the lingo I've come up with, and she uses it herself sometimes, although her mind closets and roughies are fewer and a little less random than mine, but she experiences them as well.
Roughies and mind closets often get stuck in my head, in what I think of as "thought loops." The thought loops have a great impact upon my mood and are often more intense and cycle faster when I am stressed or in a fast-paced environment, like a crowded store or really anywhere with a lot of people present, even ones I know well. Sometimes, though, when the thought loops contain more roughies than mind closets, they can be really fun and even make me laugh (I had this happen most recently about a week ago, and while I really enjoyed it, it kept me up far too late that night laughing.)
When I first wake up in the morning, the thought loops have congealed like cold motor oil and so don't run as fast, but sometimes a vivid dream experienced immediately prior to awakening will trigger a more vigorous morning thought loop than usual. At this moment, I feel a bit jittery and sweaty from my morning coffee, and also because writing is very stimulating for me (at times even overwhelming- usually in a good way, though.) But one of my mind closets that was on my mind a lot yesterday is how annoying people are like camels, and how even people who usually aren't that annoying can sort of become camel-like in my perception whenever they do happen to annoy me. My dad was annoying me last night when he argued repeatedly with me that the water pressure/temperature is not negatively affected by running the dishwasher at their house, when clearly both are. In my third eye, I saw him as a big camel, about ready to spit on me. I don't like that thought, and here lately it has become a common one. To make matters worse, my mom was singing off-key at the top of her lungs while we cleared the Thanksgiving dishes away, and I am VERY sensitive to loud sounds. Again, she became camel-like in my mind (although sometimes she is more like a woodchuck or beaver when she annoys me, but this is only true of her. Other people are almost always camels.) It got so bad that I had to go home to get away from it all. Their house was too cold as well (as usual,) and so I thought about bears going into hibernation as I was being bothered by the cold. That is another mind closet, by the way, in this context.
So I got home, turned up the heat, popped in one of my 7th Heaven DVDs and ate a Blow Pop- all comforting activities. 7th Heaven is a huge roughie to me, because I like to pretend I, too, both came from and also have the perfect family. (Yes, I know about the accusations against Stephen Collins, but I am focused on the fictional family here, not the actors that portrayed those ideal family members.) I took a hot bath before bed, listened to an ASMR YouTube recording, and drifted off to sleep. I love anything that holds my attention enough to slow down the thought loops, although they never really stop altogether (except if I am on antidepressants or mood stabilizers, but those have their own set of problems so I don't take them anymore.)
Cars also seem to come alive when I am driving, and I get angry at them (rather than the drivers, who don't seem to exist.) This has been true since I was very young, and applied to the cars my dad would appear to yell and cuss at whenever he would experience road rage- a common occurrence to this day.
I also hear in my imagination a soft voice singing lullabies whenever someone is obviously and vocally very angry, whether or not they are angry at me or someone else, with me just witnessing the anger. However, the "voice" (not heard for real, just in the back of my mind) sings louder and louder if I am the object of someone's anger. This phenomenon started when my sister was little, and my mom used to yell at her for almost no reason (she did the same to me.) I don't like the voice; it creeps me out. But I feel powerless to stop it.
There are many, many more roughies and mind closets that I experience daily, but those are just the ones I thought of off the top of my head. I have to wrap this up and get ready to go to work, but I plan on writing more about it at a later time.
I hope more people join in and write about their weird, random thoughts, too!
Actually, a lot of the time the "thoughts" stem from random feelings I get- usually not so good and very intense in nature. Sometimes looking at certain objects, ads in magazines or on a billboards, TV commercials, or even thinking of certain strings of thoughts that tend to get repeated together can trigger these thoughts/feelings. I call the bad ones "mind closets" and the good ones "roughies." My sister knows the lingo I've come up with, and she uses it herself sometimes, although her mind closets and roughies are fewer and a little less random than mine, but she experiences them as well.
Roughies and mind closets often get stuck in my head, in what I think of as "thought loops." The thought loops have a great impact upon my mood and are often more intense and cycle faster when I am stressed or in a fast-paced environment, like a crowded store or really anywhere with a lot of people present, even ones I know well. Sometimes, though, when the thought loops contain more roughies than mind closets, they can be really fun and even make me laugh (I had this happen most recently about a week ago, and while I really enjoyed it, it kept me up far too late that night laughing.)
When I first wake up in the morning, the thought loops have congealed like cold motor oil and so don't run as fast, but sometimes a vivid dream experienced immediately prior to awakening will trigger a more vigorous morning thought loop than usual. At this moment, I feel a bit jittery and sweaty from my morning coffee, and also because writing is very stimulating for me (at times even overwhelming- usually in a good way, though.) But one of my mind closets that was on my mind a lot yesterday is how annoying people are like camels, and how even people who usually aren't that annoying can sort of become camel-like in my perception whenever they do happen to annoy me. My dad was annoying me last night when he argued repeatedly with me that the water pressure/temperature is not negatively affected by running the dishwasher at their house, when clearly both are. In my third eye, I saw him as a big camel, about ready to spit on me. I don't like that thought, and here lately it has become a common one. To make matters worse, my mom was singing off-key at the top of her lungs while we cleared the Thanksgiving dishes away, and I am VERY sensitive to loud sounds. Again, she became camel-like in my mind (although sometimes she is more like a woodchuck or beaver when she annoys me, but this is only true of her. Other people are almost always camels.) It got so bad that I had to go home to get away from it all. Their house was too cold as well (as usual,) and so I thought about bears going into hibernation as I was being bothered by the cold. That is another mind closet, by the way, in this context.
So I got home, turned up the heat, popped in one of my 7th Heaven DVDs and ate a Blow Pop- all comforting activities. 7th Heaven is a huge roughie to me, because I like to pretend I, too, both came from and also have the perfect family. (Yes, I know about the accusations against Stephen Collins, but I am focused on the fictional family here, not the actors that portrayed those ideal family members.) I took a hot bath before bed, listened to an ASMR YouTube recording, and drifted off to sleep. I love anything that holds my attention enough to slow down the thought loops, although they never really stop altogether (except if I am on antidepressants or mood stabilizers, but those have their own set of problems so I don't take them anymore.)
Cars also seem to come alive when I am driving, and I get angry at them (rather than the drivers, who don't seem to exist.) This has been true since I was very young, and applied to the cars my dad would appear to yell and cuss at whenever he would experience road rage- a common occurrence to this day.
I also hear in my imagination a soft voice singing lullabies whenever someone is obviously and vocally very angry, whether or not they are angry at me or someone else, with me just witnessing the anger. However, the "voice" (not heard for real, just in the back of my mind) sings louder and louder if I am the object of someone's anger. This phenomenon started when my sister was little, and my mom used to yell at her for almost no reason (she did the same to me.) I don't like the voice; it creeps me out. But I feel powerless to stop it.
There are many, many more roughies and mind closets that I experience daily, but those are just the ones I thought of off the top of my head. I have to wrap this up and get ready to go to work, but I plan on writing more about it at a later time.
I hope more people join in and write about their weird, random thoughts, too!
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