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Am I really so insecure with my writing that I allow one person's words to disturb me?

I was talking to my cousin earlier. I told them that I hope my writing career takes off soon. That I'd rather work full time as a writer instead working at my current part time job.

"That would be nice," they said. "That would be amazing."


The insecure part of my brain, which is quiet most of the time nowadays, decided to speak up in my mind: "They said would. Which means they don't believe in you. If they believed in you, they would have said that WILL be amazing. Not WOULD. They think you're dumb, Jupiter, dumb and incapable of being a real writer. Your destiny to be a failure is apparent in your eyes and they all see it."


This thought will go away soon but... right now I'm having to shush it up and lull it back to sleep.
I'm confident in my writing. I know I'm good at it. But what if I'm not as good as I think and I look like a fool?
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JoyfulSilence · 51-55, M
You are over thinking.

It is just normal speech about possible events.

We never know what the future holds.

And not everybody will succeed in life. Of course it all depends on one's definition of success. Maybe you expect too much?

Of course, supporting yourself financially with your writing is a resonable goal. I hope you succeed. And if you become popular, then that will be a bonus!

As for me, I never had goals. I did well in school and found I was good at math and science. But I am not that good. Not famous. I am good enough though to have earned respect at work, which can be nice. It also can be a burden, because people keep asking for help, which delays my own work. Of course one part of my job is to help others.

Best of luck.

Also, maybe you could try a job that involves writing, even if it is not writing novels, etc. Something that pays regularly, but at least keeps you writing.

That is sort of my situation. I decided to be a mathematician in college, but never thought I would be doing my current job, and not for a whole career. I am too entrenched now to want to change jobs, though. I just want all work to end, forever. I am so done with working for a living.
JupiterDreams · 31-35
@JoyfulSilence Thank you so much 🤗 And I'm sorry you don't enjoy your job
JoyfulSilence · 51-55, M
@JupiterDreams Sometimes it is OK. I get to think about math and do some programming.

Yet I have to convey information to other people, which can be challenging. Tomorrow I will start writing a report on my research methods, results, and analysis. Writing is so hard!