I Have Random Thoughts

I'm beginning to regret something that I did today. I don't really understand why. My wife passed away 6 months ago. I haven't had a relationship since then. I'm just not ready. Upon entering a gas station today, I met the new lady working there. We spoke for a moment about the product I was buying. I noticed that she had partially dyed her hair white, leaving the ends of it black. It's a very attractive look. I used to compliment my wife's hair every day. The chemotherapy had turned it almost white in color, and it was incredibly attractive. I'm starting to realize that everything I gave my wife -- the love and the compliments, among other things -- is still there, but I have no one to give it to. I'm beginning to feel desperate to have what I lost. I complimented the lady. I told her how beautiful her hair is. I immediately felt like one of those guys who will say whatever to possibly get in someone's pants. I wanted to apologize, but I told her to have a great night and left. Although my wife is gone, I felt like I had cheated on her. I know this may seem ridiculous to some.