I Want To Write My Random Thoughts And Feelings

I’m so sick of hating myself. I want to eat without feeling guilty. I want to go for a run without calculating how many calories I’m burning while doing it. I want to throw away my scale.
But I am a hypocrite. I will not do any of these things because the satisfaction of losing weight is a much more addictive drug than the rational part of my brain cares to consider. I get high on the thoughts of having a size zero be baggy. More than anything, I want to be thin.