I Have Random Thoughts

So, back on EP I used to mainly post because I didn’t really know how to express my feelings to others by speaking, I could only do that by writing and I found it really really helpful. I decided I’d do it again and see how it’d make me feel.

Back then I used to be a really dark person, I had no friends, no interests, nothing to keep my mind off of thinking about suicide. The only way I could feel better was by inflecting pain on myself, physical pain.. just to be able to forget the mentally devastating pain.

But with time I got better and as the years went by I stopped harming myself. I made some really good friends and I rarely had thoughts about suicide. Or at least I’m convincing myself that I was better.. maybe all that was just a fake face I wear to fool the public and my own into thinking I am a happy person.

Lately, I started losing all those people I had, the people closest to my heart 💔 but being busy with school makes me think about this stuff less.. during the weekends, it hits again. I try my best to avoid them but they just keep coming back.. all of the bad things that once happened to me, they come back and hit me all at once!!!

Lately, all I’ve been wanting is to just stop living... to just sleep and have no dreams and to not wake up ever again