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I Want To Write My Random Thoughts And Feelings

I once promised you that if anything ever happened to you,I’d write to you everyday till the day I died.
At the time,I really meant it.I couldn’t imagine life without you so the only solution was to create a version of you inside my head.
Little did I know that that would actually happen.
I don’t write to you everyday.I can’t.The emptiness of unseen messages is just too much.I’ve already left you so many messages(“tower”,as you’d call it.)Before I knew you were gone.
When I found out,I said some words.And I left it there because it was too much.
I still read back our conversations but I don’t have the urge to pretend I’m living in them.
I do live in my imagination though.What would have happened had things been different.Or imagining new scenarios that can never happen now.
I need to stop doing that but I don’t know how.
I find things to obsess over to forget you,at least a little.To drown out the part of me that weeps.Longs.Regrets.
I suppose I’m kinda writing to you now,aren’t I?
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firefall · 61-69, M
I rather suspect everything you write hereafter, on any topic, is at least partly going to be writing to him. When someone has been so much to you, the shadow of it falls a long, long way.