I Want To Write My Random Thoughts And Feelings

Ever since my last breakup. Which she broke up with me now she blames me for all her problems and tried to guilt trip me with everything. I get to go on a holiday because a mental health expert told me to get a holiday and fast. This was because I tried to kill myself by jumping off a bridge. She is now "ohh you get to go on a holiday? some of us are not that lucky" Then tries to guilt trip that she has to save up for years to go to australia. She could go on holiday anywhere else but won't. Now she keeps trying to blame all her problems on me. I have almost had it with her. As much as I want to be her friend and still help her she sure is making it hard.

She has problems off her own. But I don't think she sees what she is doing. I had dreams with her, We made plans now she broke them. Forced me to give up on my dreams. Now she is saying she can't give up on her dream to going to australia. She just thinks about herself. Kinda happy she broke up with me now.

Just finding it hard to feel emotions again. I get to attached to the ones I love. Think this is where my overthinking comes from. “Oh they are going to finish our relationship.” "They don't really love me." etc and so on. Then they only go and do what I overthink about...

I care so much for the person I am in a relationship with. I try so hard to make it work. I make them hate me by being clingy and needy with them. I’m so affectionate with them. I want to take you places. I want you to enjoy your time with me.

We even had names lined up for our children we planned to have.

Do people just get with me to hurt me?

It's going to be hard to trust someone fully again...

I just wish I could keep a stable relationship. I feel broken.

I put so much into a relationship and get nothing in return. 😞😞😭😡

I'm slowly healing. It will just take time. I just hope not as much time as last time.