I Have Random Thoughts

How do you deal with the voices? When your mind and your body are talking to you faster than you can hear faster than you can understand and only little utterances make sense. If it’s all part of a bigger picture will it ever be complete? Will we ever be able to fully understand why we go through what we do? What the point in it all is. So many famous quotes were made famous because so many people could relate. We all feel lost we’re all looking for a sounding board something that connects us and some of us find it but what happens to those of us that don’t? Adrift in a mindless sea of lost voices and blank faces. With no meaning or understanding in our lives, to explain the unexplainable or help us through the horror stories that we live on a daily basis. How do we decide who’s suffered? Who deserves help and who’s a lost cause? How do you know who to help when helping yourself is hard enough if we all helped ourselves would it help? Did the homeless people I pass daily help themselves or others? Or neither? Did they get lost in trying to find themselves and now float through a meaningless abyss just seeking a warm place to sleep, or their next fix to make the emptiness a little more bearable. Why do we do it? Why do we try to extend our misery are we hoping we will find our answers towards the end. Even when you know you’ve lost you don’t want to quit too early as you fear you may miss out on something beautiful. What is beauty? I think tears are beautiful. Being able to release the emptiness in ones heart and know that you still have a heart because you’re allowing yourself to feel the pain that has filled your mind. What if you lose that ability? What if tears no longer come, your heart no longer aches your brain no longer wonders why you do this how do you feel then? Nothing? Could feeling nothing be the answer? What would we do on a daily basis without feeling? Exactly what we’re expected to do? Why do people have expectations? Why do we expect anything? Or even try to reach for anything? Try to do anything? Is everything ba<x>sed on our feelings and what we’ve been convinced is the right thing to do? If you try help one person and instead you end up hindering them, does that make you a bad person? Or just a stupid one to think you could help, that you could actually have a significant impact on anybody’s life when you’re insignificant yourself. If life was a chess board we’d all just be pieces, us suffering the most would be the pawns. Never really in control and always being sacrificed we’re not significant enough to protect. Oh but if we make it to the end we’re suddenly empowered with a higher status and we become important and they pay attention to us and help and support us and we’re suddenly worth noticing. There are two pla<x>yers in a chess game, there’s the white team and the black team and they’re both basically trying to kill each other which can be relentless until only the kings survive or it can be gradual the king admitting defeat and retreating, but then what? Does the conquer get power driven and go on to defeat more? Destroy more lives hurt as many more as possible because they know they can? If we’re all ranked in importance then really only 2 pieces are worthwhile the king and queen. The rest are irrelevant only a small proportion are worth fighting for but we’d all be united in fighting for them. Our status wouldn’t change at the next battle we’d still be the first to be sacrificed it plays over and that one pawn that managed to gain status has lost it been thrown back down with the rest of the commoners the unnoticeable unmentionable extras that happen to be at the king and queens disposal. I guess this is all ok because they don’t care, they don’t feel, we move them, they don’t move themselves, so is that the rule? We don’t have to care about those who don’t care about themselves? How do they care about themselves when they can’t care for themselves when they’re told they’re not worth caring about shown they’re invaluable forced into risking their lives on a daily basis for a bigger picture they still can’t see.