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I Have Random Thoughts

I had to write this.

Ever since my last relationship ended a year before,I have been behaving improper,unprepared,rough,indecent.

I know that,I am unnecessarily rude,but how can I explain the world that I am not looking for a romantic involvement and unless the wound is healed,I just can't take any stab in my heart from anybody
Is it too much to ask for?

The guy in question is a happy man,kind hearted,extremely well behaved and soft spoken.

Don't get me wrong,I never passed any hints to make him believe that I am looking for an affair,yet he kept on pushing the matter to me and I kept on politely excusing myself during earlier months.

I told him clearly I am not inclined towards him and am not seeking any company whatsoever,still he persisted.

Tracked my phone number,and though I can't really pin down that as harassment,he kept on doing the rest,sending me cute messages and loving cards,which occasionally did brought a smile on my face,I agree but that's it,just a smile.

Yes co worker ,so I don't have any way to avoid him and he took that to his advantage.

Today was the final blow.After almost 3 hours of convincing him that I am not the one ,I finally gave up.

Blocked him everywhere,so that he can't reach me online.

Offline,I have made up my mind to put down the papers,so that I don't have to meet him ever.

One of my friends blamed me for breaking his heart that brutally .She saw him in tears,walking quietly down the road.He seemed to have lost his mind.

Am I the one to be blamed for his misery?
Why should I take that blame?

I told him very clearly from the start,that I am not the one he is looking for yet folks here think I am wrong.
I should be more gentle and kind.

I can't express how much I too felt bad,when I turned him down but I don't love him.I'd never love him ever.

If there is no love,then whats the use?

Crazy world.
What we need,we don't get.
What we don't need,we get.
Feeling very low today.

Rant over.
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Soulspace · F
Fdurst:My friend is prolly devastated by the fact that I might die single.Also this comes as a group force as my entire workplace knows his weakness towards me,and how we both look good together,but that's not enough.I don't care anymore.