I Want To Write My Random Thoughts And Feelings
A relationship that's founded upon absolute co-dependency isn't a true relationship in my eyes. Absolute co-dependency is our need for other people to conform to our idea of what we need them to be so that we can feel a certain way. This dynamic represents the majority of relationships in our world, and it's not hard to see why relationships fall apart as soon as they get off the ground. There's just no underlying substance to them. They make us feel good for as long as they last. But they're predicated about tenuous foundations -- the "I'll only love you, if.." paradigm. "I'll only love you, if you don't change," "I'll only love you, if you promise to make me feel good all the time..."
It's wholly conditional - based on things that are never guaranteed to be under our 100% control; other people's behaviour; circumstances; situations; life changes, etc. At best, we can only ever influence these things with our good intentions, but we can never truly grab a hold of them and absolutely control them. That's why it's a mistake - a big mistake - to commit oneself to another person if it's only based on conditional input. Speaking for myself, I'd feel like the worst person in the world if I knew that I was disingenuously with someone solely for what I'm getting out of it. That seems meaningless to me.
What people really want deep down is the real thing: what people call, and have called, "real love". The kind that doesn't need or expect anything in return, but wants to give itself unconditionally. The kind that isn't possessive or needy, but can stand on its own two feet and grant the other person full independence and space. The kind that is every bit as happy and joyful without actually needing the other person around, but just wants to share the joy of real love with someone who "gets it".
Imagine... a relationship where both people are absolutely rock solid in the core of their being - no attachments, no conditions, no expectations or needs; no insecurities, doubts or concerns. Just the joy of mutually sharing love for what it is. Not taking it from someone to use for ourselves, not needing to make it something it isn't or to fake/pretend anything.
In most relationship paradigms, we depend upon people's emotional input to generate the completion of our needs - our need for love, acceptance, approval, understanding, intimacy, etc. But those things can never truly be given to us from anybody else. We have to literally summon the will and the means for generating them within us first, and **THEN** we can experience and share it with someone else in a truly giving sense, because it feels good to share. And it becomes something to truly appreciate and cherish, because it comes with absolutely no strings attached...
God I hope there's somebody out there who "gets it"...
It's wholly conditional - based on things that are never guaranteed to be under our 100% control; other people's behaviour; circumstances; situations; life changes, etc. At best, we can only ever influence these things with our good intentions, but we can never truly grab a hold of them and absolutely control them. That's why it's a mistake - a big mistake - to commit oneself to another person if it's only based on conditional input. Speaking for myself, I'd feel like the worst person in the world if I knew that I was disingenuously with someone solely for what I'm getting out of it. That seems meaningless to me.
What people really want deep down is the real thing: what people call, and have called, "real love". The kind that doesn't need or expect anything in return, but wants to give itself unconditionally. The kind that isn't possessive or needy, but can stand on its own two feet and grant the other person full independence and space. The kind that is every bit as happy and joyful without actually needing the other person around, but just wants to share the joy of real love with someone who "gets it".
Imagine... a relationship where both people are absolutely rock solid in the core of their being - no attachments, no conditions, no expectations or needs; no insecurities, doubts or concerns. Just the joy of mutually sharing love for what it is. Not taking it from someone to use for ourselves, not needing to make it something it isn't or to fake/pretend anything.
In most relationship paradigms, we depend upon people's emotional input to generate the completion of our needs - our need for love, acceptance, approval, understanding, intimacy, etc. But those things can never truly be given to us from anybody else. We have to literally summon the will and the means for generating them within us first, and **THEN** we can experience and share it with someone else in a truly giving sense, because it feels good to share. And it becomes something to truly appreciate and cherish, because it comes with absolutely no strings attached...
God I hope there's somebody out there who "gets it"...
31-35, M
