I Want To Write My Random Thoughts And Feelings
I've always been inclined towards taking my time with things in life, in an extremely conscious, slow, and deliberate way. Whether it's thinking of what to say next or what to do next, or even planning an easy pathway towards something that requires little thought at all. I just can't help but want to take my time. Not in a sluggish or lethargic way, but just very deliberately. I can't help it. I've never seemed to care much about speed, efficiency, or the so-called "tried & tested" way of doing everything (I find these things to be profoundly overrated). I just do things in my own bizarre, idiosyncratic way - a way which only seems to make sense to me.
I've noticed though, that because our world has literally been built upon speed and efficiency in all areas and avenues of life, there's very little room (or need) for any kind of abstract, "out-of-the-box" reasoning - which is understandable; jobs need doing; things need to move; and getting from A-B is the primary goal/concern of everything and everyone (at least that's the narrative we capitulate to). Our surroundings are perceived in terms of what they will yield for the next moment only, but very rarely in terms of what they (already) are, and the profundity that can be found by simply paying close attention.
It kills me to say it, but I really do think that we've lost our connection to life, or even if you don't want to say we have a connection to life... we've at least lost our ability to imagine and to dream; to really think and contemplate. We settle with the narrative(s) that society throws at us, and we basically bow down to it. We're even willing to compromise on our own personal happiness and potential for the sake of just surviving in the world. If survival is really that difficult and unfulfilling, you have to wonder if it's even worth it...
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I recently got my first official indoor job, and it's amazing to me how being in a strange environment can inspire so many different observations and insights about life on earth and how people seem to behave/operate. My actual day-to-day existence is me moving through different phases of my own consciousness, so I never actually experience time in the way most people do.
I understand that there's no reason to think that any one phase/moment of my existence is any more or less significant than any other, so I treat them all as basically being apart of the same "thing", viewed from a myriad of unique and different perspectives - all of which exist simultaneously. This means a working day for me absolutely flies by, and I don't accumulate any baggage throughout the day and throughout the week. It's a great place to be in.
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It's hard for me to deny or ignore, but I think I really have no business being in mundane work environments (although I'm happy to see my current job out until it finishes [in october]). I'm too conscious and aware of myself and the world. I can't keep pretending that I'm not meant for something that's truer to who I really am. I can't wait to unravel it.
I've noticed though, that because our world has literally been built upon speed and efficiency in all areas and avenues of life, there's very little room (or need) for any kind of abstract, "out-of-the-box" reasoning - which is understandable; jobs need doing; things need to move; and getting from A-B is the primary goal/concern of everything and everyone (at least that's the narrative we capitulate to). Our surroundings are perceived in terms of what they will yield for the next moment only, but very rarely in terms of what they (already) are, and the profundity that can be found by simply paying close attention.
It kills me to say it, but I really do think that we've lost our connection to life, or even if you don't want to say we have a connection to life... we've at least lost our ability to imagine and to dream; to really think and contemplate. We settle with the narrative(s) that society throws at us, and we basically bow down to it. We're even willing to compromise on our own personal happiness and potential for the sake of just surviving in the world. If survival is really that difficult and unfulfilling, you have to wonder if it's even worth it...
-
I recently got my first official indoor job, and it's amazing to me how being in a strange environment can inspire so many different observations and insights about life on earth and how people seem to behave/operate. My actual day-to-day existence is me moving through different phases of my own consciousness, so I never actually experience time in the way most people do.
I understand that there's no reason to think that any one phase/moment of my existence is any more or less significant than any other, so I treat them all as basically being apart of the same "thing", viewed from a myriad of unique and different perspectives - all of which exist simultaneously. This means a working day for me absolutely flies by, and I don't accumulate any baggage throughout the day and throughout the week. It's a great place to be in.
-
It's hard for me to deny or ignore, but I think I really have no business being in mundane work environments (although I'm happy to see my current job out until it finishes [in october]). I'm too conscious and aware of myself and the world. I can't keep pretending that I'm not meant for something that's truer to who I really am. I can't wait to unravel it.
31-35, M