I wonder how many marriages are bordering on abusive and couples just accept it?
And why...
When I felt my marriage slipping beyond repair I knew in my heart it wasn't right and I let it go. I let him go so he could be the person he needed to be. I thought if we were happier we would be better parents and that was all I cared about. Not my feelings, not my wants/needs, just peace and what was best for everyone.
But I've witnessed a lot of unhappy marriages. I've witnessed mistreatment and abuse. I've seen people stay together when they are absolutely miserable.
I understand people think staying together for the kids is important, and if you plan to hide your disgust for each other I guess there are benefits.
I also understand the cycle of abuse.
I just don't understand what people are holding onto when this other person is making them unhappy. How can familiarity be more attractive than your well-being? How can you let someone hurt you over and over and face them?
My last relationship was junk that I let continue for too long, so I'm not shaming anyone or myself for staying past expiration. But to stay married, to be legally bound to someone gives them a certain amount of control of you, your life, your assets and ultimately your health. This person will make decisions for you if you are unable. This is the person you have to count on for safety and I've just seen too many people get completely screwed over. My mom was abused and her husband took everything she left to me and her grandson. And she could of left him many times. I begged her too.
Divorce is not so difficult it's impossible. Living together in misery is a choice I can't fathom. Your partner being unwilling to compromise and share means they want things their way so maybe they need to be on their own. Not having a power battle.
Who in their right mind wants these battles? Who chooses hurt and discomfort? Is it easier?
I guess I'm not really looking for answers because there's a million reasons that still won't make any sense. Because they aren't really reasonable reasons, they're just choices to stay committed to someone you realize you don't really know or trust.
I couldn't sleep. I am pondering what I'm witnessing now in an honest attempt to help a 99 year old couple part ways and convince them to do it peacefully.
We are so reactive when someone stands up to us, for big to small reasons. But do we really consider the truths to be okay? Are we angry that someone else's truth doesn't align with ours because they are their own person, that we have to hurt them after all we've been through together?
Why not take the good and let it be the reward for trying and take the bad as a message things need to, and are okay to change...
I will never marry again. After what I've seen and experienced with love, I don't even particularly care for being in a relationship again unless it were some level of feeling and truth I haven't felt before, and even then I don't know if I could trust it. Because people do, and have every right to change.
It's a strange thing to me that would be unique in a billion ways to each person/couple. So complicated I don't wish to go near it again, but I do wish I could help others with.
Weird.
When I felt my marriage slipping beyond repair I knew in my heart it wasn't right and I let it go. I let him go so he could be the person he needed to be. I thought if we were happier we would be better parents and that was all I cared about. Not my feelings, not my wants/needs, just peace and what was best for everyone.
But I've witnessed a lot of unhappy marriages. I've witnessed mistreatment and abuse. I've seen people stay together when they are absolutely miserable.
I understand people think staying together for the kids is important, and if you plan to hide your disgust for each other I guess there are benefits.
I also understand the cycle of abuse.
I just don't understand what people are holding onto when this other person is making them unhappy. How can familiarity be more attractive than your well-being? How can you let someone hurt you over and over and face them?
My last relationship was junk that I let continue for too long, so I'm not shaming anyone or myself for staying past expiration. But to stay married, to be legally bound to someone gives them a certain amount of control of you, your life, your assets and ultimately your health. This person will make decisions for you if you are unable. This is the person you have to count on for safety and I've just seen too many people get completely screwed over. My mom was abused and her husband took everything she left to me and her grandson. And she could of left him many times. I begged her too.
Divorce is not so difficult it's impossible. Living together in misery is a choice I can't fathom. Your partner being unwilling to compromise and share means they want things their way so maybe they need to be on their own. Not having a power battle.
Who in their right mind wants these battles? Who chooses hurt and discomfort? Is it easier?
I guess I'm not really looking for answers because there's a million reasons that still won't make any sense. Because they aren't really reasonable reasons, they're just choices to stay committed to someone you realize you don't really know or trust.
I couldn't sleep. I am pondering what I'm witnessing now in an honest attempt to help a 99 year old couple part ways and convince them to do it peacefully.
We are so reactive when someone stands up to us, for big to small reasons. But do we really consider the truths to be okay? Are we angry that someone else's truth doesn't align with ours because they are their own person, that we have to hurt them after all we've been through together?
Why not take the good and let it be the reward for trying and take the bad as a message things need to, and are okay to change...
I will never marry again. After what I've seen and experienced with love, I don't even particularly care for being in a relationship again unless it were some level of feeling and truth I haven't felt before, and even then I don't know if I could trust it. Because people do, and have every right to change.
It's a strange thing to me that would be unique in a billion ways to each person/couple. So complicated I don't wish to go near it again, but I do wish I could help others with.
Weird.
41-45, F
