I need some input from others on something I'm facing...

I am a caregiver for two 99 year olds with dementia. I work two hours in the morning and two hours at night, that is all they want to pay me for.

My responsibilities were light cleaning, organizing, some cooking, laundry, appointments, driving and generally just being there as a personal assistant to the woman as it was her kids who brought me on.

I have gone above and beyond. Bought and made them things to help with vision and mobility problems.

Their children used to have someone clean for them and stopped without telling me so I've had to take over all the cleaning. They send me condescending messages about the extra help even though I don't charge for it.

A lot of the times everything I do gets messed up instantly because they are confused.

The man is mean, yelling, abusive and the woman is very confused. They stress each other out. It's a hostile environment.

I have tried reaching out to their families, I have attended their memory care appointments and I do my best but I am not a nurse. These people need more care than I can give and I'm getting verbally abused daily because they want me to do more in a few hours than I can do and I am legally allowed to do.

It is a mess.

My dilemma is, do I call social services?

I have stopped contacting their families because they are all in denial. Or perhaps they don't want to put up the money for assisted living. Either way, they are rude and dismissive when I bring up issues that I need them to address as I'm not able.

I'm at a complete loss here. I am running myself ragged and being yelled at for hours each day. Then the families tell me everything is fine.

I consider this abuse and neglect for the elderly couple and I feel abused too tbh.

I don't know how to handle it. I don't want to quit because the poor woman is defecating everywhere and hallucinating and confused but still a sweet woman. She appreciates my patience and how I listen to her. I'm afraid for her. The man and his family are very vindictive. The families do not get along and I'm tired of being in the middle, trying to peace keep and getting treated horribly.

I don't know what the right thing to do is. I don't want to turn my back on the woman. She is afraid and I know I'm a huge comfort to her. But this is all affecting me negatively.

If anyone has any understanding or advice, I would truly appreciate it.

Thank you.

Livingwell · 61-69, M

Foxy, first.. yes, call social services. The situation is not safe for both. Second, your love for others is really extending and taxing you monetarily and time wise. Somehow..you need to figure how to set boundaries for yourself. You have to look at the monetary side for you and your son. You also need to consider the time you spend away from your son. Is it a good idea? Time well spent? Harmful to you in terms of stress, sleep, etc. He is a teenager. I do feel that home care of the elderly is the perfect job for you. But you need to be paid for you effort. Thank you for being a wonderful human to others.

Notsimilarreally · 31-35, F

Hmm. It's tough when you know the clients need more, but aren't going to get it. Very stressful for the caregiver.

If I were you, I'd either leave the situation or indeed call social services or whatever you have in your area. There are senior rights/elder abuse protection organizations. Call a place like that and tell them you need to explain a situation to a professional, and see what they think you should do.

Jessmari · 46-50, T

As a Personal Support Specialist for my mom I am a mandatory reporter. Whether you are certified or not if things get worse you will take the fall as those people will point the finger at you. Protect yourself as that is where your control in the sitiation is.