What the heck does it mean when someone keeps saying things that contradict?

Like one second they're praising you, the next they're accusing you. One moment they're calm, the next they're angry. They ask you to tell them things, then get mad at what you say. Nothing makes sense, what is that?

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HijabaDabbaDoo · F

They're making the rules up as they go along. The lack of consistency is to shake your confidence and plant seeds of doubt to assert control over the dynamics between the two of you. You can't reason with someone like this. Disengaging is your best bet, at least in the moment

MarbleMarvel

@HijabaDabbaDoo this makes so much sense, but I wonder why? I'm pretty chill, why hurt me?

HijabaDabbaDoo · F

@MarbleMarvel the reasons can be endless. I've found people who assert inconsistency and control above all else love to hate and hate to love. It doesn't matter who the supply is. Having a sense of self-importance is their drive. You ever talk to someone to work together towards a solution but instead find they're working towards being right? You're not part of the picture to begin with.
I sometimes look at people with traits that make me feel confused, uncomfortable or upset and go by the idea of the scorpion and the frog story, why do I expect the scorpion not to sting?

MarbleMarvel

@HijabaDabbaDoo So true. And now that you said it, yes I do see how the goal is to be right, not find a solution or compromise or care how their actions or lack of affect others.

That helps me understand why it was always about him. If I talked about anything at all, it became about him. And if he couldn't turn it into defensiveness, he'd start whining about his own life and how it was worse for him...

It's actually painfully clicking now. It wasn't love for me, it was the love I provided. Oof.

Thank you for this insight. Seriously 🖤