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BetweenKittensandRiots · 36-40, MVIP
[i][b]because it's not that fucking simple. [/b][/i]
We were all lied to and one of the biggest problems with love is mind blindness in that the mentality a lot of people seem to take is "Well I've never experienced loving more than one person simultaneously so those things aren't possible. " when this question is one in which is filtered through the rubric of personal experiences and bias. In other words[b][i][u] not all of us are truly subject to the same limitation in regards to love and affection
[/u][/i][/b]
We were taught by our culture a lot of witticism about love that turned out to be bullshit once tested a[i][b]nd held up under scrutiny but one of the BIGGEST was that infidelity indicated dissatisfaction or unhappiness in the relationship.[/b][/i]
I say this both as a person who has wanted things the culture considers forbidden AND [i][b]as someone that is horrified at watching how being cheated on is a phenomenon several million people go through and yet we're all taught to treat the experience as though the people who cheated on us were unhappy in the relationship and that it's a personal failing on the part of the person who was cheated on but the truth of the matter with infidelity is that it has a staying power that marriage can only envy it's older than either of us as an idea and millions of men and women who got cheated on cannot possibly all be pathological so something else -has- to be up.[/b][/i]
and it turns out the research on the topic tends to indicate that that in love we're searching in many ways for another version of ourselves and what I mean is just what we fall in love with in a huge way is what our partners turn us into.
so in practical effect when one cheats what it tends to indicate is that person they did it with was able to reawaken sides of themselves that had previously been closed off to them and who had died on the vine to speak.
it wasn't a slight against the one being cheated on as much was indicative that their own personal grief about the losses they've suffered in some regard was ameliorated by the party they'd engaged in infidelity with.
Like the woman who had been a good girl her whole life and done what everyone expected suddenly having affair with her heavily tattooed bad boy of a gardener simply because he reminds her of the inner child she had abandoned in favor of loftier ends.
It seems in infidelity we are often looking for alternative version of ourselves.
it has very little to do with our -actual- partners failing in any regard.
in other words where we see infidelity one of its twin harbringers are other tragedies and personal losses. it seems to be something we use as an antidote against death in a way, not a literal death though.
We were all lied to and one of the biggest problems with love is mind blindness in that the mentality a lot of people seem to take is "Well I've never experienced loving more than one person simultaneously so those things aren't possible. " when this question is one in which is filtered through the rubric of personal experiences and bias. In other words[b][i][u] not all of us are truly subject to the same limitation in regards to love and affection
[/u][/i][/b]
We were taught by our culture a lot of witticism about love that turned out to be bullshit once tested a[i][b]nd held up under scrutiny but one of the BIGGEST was that infidelity indicated dissatisfaction or unhappiness in the relationship.[/b][/i]
I say this both as a person who has wanted things the culture considers forbidden AND [i][b]as someone that is horrified at watching how being cheated on is a phenomenon several million people go through and yet we're all taught to treat the experience as though the people who cheated on us were unhappy in the relationship and that it's a personal failing on the part of the person who was cheated on but the truth of the matter with infidelity is that it has a staying power that marriage can only envy it's older than either of us as an idea and millions of men and women who got cheated on cannot possibly all be pathological so something else -has- to be up.[/b][/i]
and it turns out the research on the topic tends to indicate that that in love we're searching in many ways for another version of ourselves and what I mean is just what we fall in love with in a huge way is what our partners turn us into.
so in practical effect when one cheats what it tends to indicate is that person they did it with was able to reawaken sides of themselves that had previously been closed off to them and who had died on the vine to speak.
it wasn't a slight against the one being cheated on as much was indicative that their own personal grief about the losses they've suffered in some regard was ameliorated by the party they'd engaged in infidelity with.
Like the woman who had been a good girl her whole life and done what everyone expected suddenly having affair with her heavily tattooed bad boy of a gardener simply because he reminds her of the inner child she had abandoned in favor of loftier ends.
It seems in infidelity we are often looking for alternative version of ourselves.
it has very little to do with our -actual- partners failing in any regard.
in other words where we see infidelity one of its twin harbringers are other tragedies and personal losses. it seems to be something we use as an antidote against death in a way, not a literal death though.
smiler2012 · 56-60
valobasa4ever · F
in10RjFox · M
Can't I learn a guitar, while practising piano ?
I am a musician and I do it to produce good harmony.
I am a musician and I do it to produce good harmony.
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Ramon67 · 61-69, M
I was going through a divorce and while still married we were not living together .
How did they do it?