I’m not normal

Yep I cheated on someone but that someone knew me as a child, groomed me and began a relationship with me as an adult and dumped my ass as I near 30 years old. So yea I don’t care but also I was drunk. I am a recovering alcoholic and I was always the drunk one. Always or I wouldn’t have. I was shit faced drunk to where I literally went unconscious and my “date” was checking my pulse. I think that’s more hey let’s get help not oh look a cheater. I don’t consider that cheating. And I got called girly and gay for talking about this kinda shit but I didn’t have a normal upbringing so. Maybe try being drunk as shit and that out of it that even sex acts are blurry, and I puked on someone even like I was that drunk. I needed HELP. And I finally got it on my own. But say if I don’t want sex I’m girly or gay or if I want sex, I’m a cheater. There’s no good way to be is there