I was a kid

I was a little kid and my dad was breaking the bathroom door down (where my mom was hiding). And I tried to stop him. I grabbed his arm and he threw me across the room. He said “you need to grow the fuck up.” Because I was terrified of him. I don’t know how I’m supposed to forget the crap I saw. That one sentence literally killed me because I felt pathetic. And I look back on it now and I’m just angry because a little kid shouldn’t have to protect. I’m angry those words were so perfect. If I could go back I’d say “growing up means letting you hit my mother?” I thought I was a baby. Neither of them loved me because my mom didn’t protect me. It is what it is. I just know if anyone hit my dog, I’d put them in the ground. Like I wouldn’t think I’d just react.