Still venting

I don’t think I can ever be close to my dad. He’s changed but not in a “I love you” in a “I’m not going to terrorize you” way. My bros invite him to play video games together and it’s still uncomfortable. I hardly talk to him unless I absolutely have to. It’s humiliating, but during a drunk moment, I had a very bad thing happen to me at a job. I did not tell him he found out. And the things he said were so awful that I liked it and shit like that. My mom did too but I’m trying to show an example of how he hasn’t started caring about me. I have to prove myself. And it’s sad. He doesn’t even call me his he says my mom cheated and all this garbage that’s not true I look like him