The perfect gift

I'm thinking, how high do I have to lift my legs, so that the phone/purse would fall just right in my hand

Yes! You can never have enough pockets/tool compartments in your clothes!

Oh my!! This is fun! I think you found me my son in laws Christmas gift.

No. I need comfort not whatever those things are.

I get PTSD from your posts.

Nice gag gift for a Survivalist