A welcoming home with people stopping by to chat and drink coffee/tea. The kind of partner that does thoughtful things and genuinely loves me. To make people smile and laugh. A job that pays a livable wage doing something related to my college major. A community that shared and cared.

I tried very hard for these things. To earn them, to build them, to be them so my care would turn into joy and safety.

I'm starting to wonder if it was a silly fantasy. I never expected perfect, never believed there wouldn't be hardship. But I have accomplished basically nothing. What I built wasn't strong enough. I guess I didn't genuinely earn anything.