I'll tell you what nothing makes you be able to get your stuff put in perspective more than hearing from someone who has gone through so much more than you have..😔
I met my fourth cousin on Ancestry.com. We were both looking for our fathers (and she was looking for her mother). I found tracing parents down through DNA matches was something really easy for me when it was a straightforward matter. Mine was harder, but that is a story for later. So I quickly figured out her parents, and she got in touch with her siblings, and it was all a very good experience for her. 🙂
Ever since then, we have kept in touch once in a while. I was estranged from my mom when we first found each other, so she kinda adopted me. ❤
She had such a hard, hard life as a child. Her mother had a pattern. She would get pregnant, get married, then leave the man with the child. She did this 7 times before she finally stayed and raised a couple of kids. However, my cousin's father, well, his family was wealthy and refused to do this. So, my cousin was left with a babysitter who raised her (and several other abandoned kids) until my cousin was 5 years old. Then she came home from school one day, and the woman was dead. All the other kids had family to be contacted, except for my cousin. I found out ALL of this while looking for her parents.😔
So, my cousin was put up for adoption. She was adopted by a minister and his family. She had some cognitive issues(she has slower thinking), but the rest of her childhood was ok...🙂
Anyway, she called me today, and she is 80 years old. So she was filling me in on what had happened since we last spoke months ago. She had a heart attack and had to have a pacemaker put in. She got cancer back after having been in remission for 55 years, and she had gotten in a car wreck back in July. 🥺
I tell you what. I will not moan and groan one more time about my tiny little wreck. Nothing makes you wake up and see how good you have it like talking to someone who doesn't have it as good. May Elohim forgive me, but I have been completely self-absorbed and selfish..😔
I was sure glad to hear from her today, and even if she may never know it, I think she did more to help me get through life in just this one little call than my real mom has ever done..I love my real mom, but she hasn't done alot to help me understand or get through life, but my dear cousin, she really has..I am very grateful for her..❤
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@easyvicky[i] I'm afraid I can't answer all these questions, but I would imagine you can find the answers somewhere online. I did my DNA to find out who my father was. I didn't think about the possible dark side of it until years after I had already done it. The one question I can answer is that to use the DNA services, you do have to give them a DNA sample using your saliva..[/i]
@SW-User I expected that much. I'm glad you got what you wanted out of it though. It must be great connecting with your family.
SW-User
@easyvicky Actually, my father was dead and turned out to be the man who fathered my 1st cousin once removed. Which made my cousin and I half sibiliibngs. It did help me understand why my mother wouldn't name my father, but that was about it. The man who fathered me and my cousins took advantage of our mothers' disabilities and got them pregnant at 15 years old each. I had a fantasy dad in my mind that kept me sane against all the child abuse I lived through, but in reality, my real father was as bad as those who abused me. So, I guess that old saying, " Don't ask a question you don't want the answer to, " could apply here. However, I did have the right to know my roots and family medical history for myself and my kids, and grandkids. Would , I do it again? I cannot say either way. Some good came from it. Some bad came from it, but I did find answers. 🤷♀
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