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I feel like I'd be better off not alive

I know my life is worthless and unwanted. I want to have everything end already.
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Time totally reinvent yourself.

You need to examine your life with some sort of mental health counselor and slowly revise the parts that hurt or displease you!

You can easily have 50 to 70 years ahead of a Satisfying Life that IS WORTWHILE AND WANTED!

These "poor pitiful me!" Thoughts aren't good for anything except as the rock bottom base on which to Rebuild and make your life better.

And you can do it!
You've managed to be strong enough to make it this far somehow putting up with what you've got. Examine and permanently change one small aspect at a time.

Comb your hair different, wear a bright colored shirt, tell unknown people hello, bark back at dogs, wake up 1/2 hour earlier and do yoga, learn a new language,

You're limitless! Quit limiting yourself.