controversial but genuine question

can you name even one truly unselfish reason for having a child? to wit:

- by the very nature of the beast, there is no childish input in the decision
- even at the highest levels of living, there will be major hard scrabble and worrisome moments as the child grows and dies
- many have children as accessories, caregivers, easers of loneliness, entertainment, or cleaners of the home
- the only even-close reason I can think of as roundabout unselfishness is to build a religious army of sorts, but that is mightyyy presumptuous
- how dare parents then say, "I BROUGHT YOU INTO THIS WORLD AND I CAN TAKE YOU OUT" or, "do you know how long i labored to have you"....

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Luckylu · 61-69, F

I did not want to bring a child into this world either but became pregnant at 42 while on birth control. I would never abort a child so I had her. I have devoted my life to her since she was born. There is so much to this story you will never know because it is too long to write here. But she is why I am still here. The only thing I do for myself is write the rest I do for her which benefits us both. If I had been selfish I would have aborted her but once life is given I cannot take it away. I had to choose between a life being lived where I caused a death or a life being lived of bringing another life into this God forsaken world. No matter the choice there was no selfish decision that could possibly make it better. I may love her with all that I am but I see her suffering every day. And then I see moments of joy which eases the pain of that decision.

foldedunfolding · 41-45, F

@Luckylu i love this answer. i am actually pro life writing this post! i believe in life lived abundantly! i even love children and loving parents! just pointing out that i think folks need to give this more thought than, "yeah i think i can handle two". i applaud your selflessness in this act, and grieve with you for any traumas surrounding it. you are a hero!

Luckylu · 61-69, F

@foldedunfolding thank you for your comments. By definition a hero is: noun
1. a person who is admired or idealized for courage, outstanding achievements, or noble qualities. I am none of these. If you knew the whole story you would not call me a hero. I brought a child into the world with a man who already had 2 children he didn’t support. I was so terrified I would have another child while with him, I had a tubal ligation performed so I couldn’t have any more children, as soon as possible after her birth. After we split, he went on to have 2 more children again which he does not support, with a woman who was told she couldn’t have children. But that isn’t my story, other than I warned her when we met. He was abusive emotionally/mentally to me, and physically to others. I knew what kind of man he was and yet I was with him, bore a child with him, and still tried to make the relationship work. I have no idea if the problems she has today are due to him. I should have split from him when I found out I was pregnant, that would have been the courageous thing to do. Instead I stayed, moved across country and moved into another country, away from family and friends to be with him. And then spent 18 years raising her alone because I was too afraid to become involved again with another man. I didn’t trust my judgement of who would be good for us and who wouldn’t be. I couldn’t put my heart out there again. I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to.

foldedunfolding · 41-45, F

@Luckylu im failing to see why i shouldnt see you as a hero here..you did all you could to not give birth to another of his babies..you escaped an evil man..you warned the future woman of your troubles..and you raised a full woman for 18 years alone, all the while protecting her and neglecting yourself.....