Nation Saddened To Learn Iran May Not Actually Nuke LA
The nation has reportedly slipped into a period of deep sadness and introspection after learning that Iran may not actually nuke Los Angeles.
Following a misunderstood statement by President Trump that it would be a "small price to pay" for Iran to nuke LA and San Diego, the nation was upset to learn there is no imminent threat to the City of Angels and that it would not, in fact, be destroyed.
"There are no words to express my disappointment," said John Glenn of Arizona. "I mean, I'm glad San Diego is going to be okay, but I was really hoping LA would get hit with an atomic blast and fall into the sea. That would have really made my day."
Trump has reportedly ordered flags to be lowered to half-staff following the sudden realization that LA would not be torn apart in a flash reaching 180 million degrees Fahrenheit, irradiating the landscape for years to come, preventing Hollywood from ever rebuilding, and scattering the bodies of the Hollywood elite into the wind.
But not all of the regret was focused on Hollywood. Some were just upset that the Dodgers might have another shot at the World Series.
"They can't keep getting away with it!" said local sports fan Lyle Wann.
At publishing time, Americans continued to hold out hope that an earthquake would do to LA what Iran would not.
Following a misunderstood statement by President Trump that it would be a "small price to pay" for Iran to nuke LA and San Diego, the nation was upset to learn there is no imminent threat to the City of Angels and that it would not, in fact, be destroyed.
"There are no words to express my disappointment," said John Glenn of Arizona. "I mean, I'm glad San Diego is going to be okay, but I was really hoping LA would get hit with an atomic blast and fall into the sea. That would have really made my day."
Trump has reportedly ordered flags to be lowered to half-staff following the sudden realization that LA would not be torn apart in a flash reaching 180 million degrees Fahrenheit, irradiating the landscape for years to come, preventing Hollywood from ever rebuilding, and scattering the bodies of the Hollywood elite into the wind.
But not all of the regret was focused on Hollywood. Some were just upset that the Dodgers might have another shot at the World Series.
"They can't keep getting away with it!" said local sports fan Lyle Wann.
At publishing time, Americans continued to hold out hope that an earthquake would do to LA what Iran would not.
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