Britain Apologizes For Disrupting Whatever It Was Nice Muslim Men Were Doing

The British government issued an official public apology on Tuesday for interrupting whatever it was the nice Muslim men in unmarked vans were doing at 1:00 a.m. outside a military base used by U.S. forces.

The five men were quickly released after brief questioning, with Prime Minister Andy Burnham personally calling each one to offer an apology for the intrusion.

"We're terribly sorry for getting in your way, chaps," said Burnham. "We'll get you right on your way in a jiffy. It was that bloody fool of a farmer, calling the police and starting this whole nonsense. Really, we do apologize for the holdup. You can get right back to doing, well, whatever it was you were doing. Cheerio!"

White House officials reportedly contacted MI5, requesting that the men arrested for plotting a mass terror attack be held for further questioning, but to no avail. "But did they actually set off a bomb? No, they did not," responded the British counter-terrorism officials. "We cannot detain these men for almost killing you. We'll just send these men back out into the world, and let them return to what was assuredly a peaceful business. Thanks for reaching out with your concerns."

At publishing time, the men had thanked the British government for the apology, and asked if perhaps they could have several tons of dynamite as reparations.