Dyslexic Gavin Newsom Celebrates $1.87 Gas

Famously dyslexic Governor Gavin Newsom hosted a press conference today celebrating gas prices in California reaching a new milestone of $1.87.

Newsom proudly displayed pictures of several signs from nearby gas stations, hailing his administration's remarkable achievement.

"Nowhere else in the nation can you find gas for $1.87, and it's all thanks to me," said Newsom. "Gas prices have steadily fallen ever since I became the governor. Every day, I look up to see gas even cheaper, and I am just astounded at what a great job I am doing. Only in the great state of California can you go down to Five Guys, get a burger for $00.12, and then fill up with gas on the cheap. We are proud to be leading the nation in bringing down costs for so, so many items."

Several citizens attempted to tell Newsom that his dyslexia has misled him and that gas was actually $7.81, but to no avail. "False. Also, why do you hate dyslexics? There is no room for that kind of intolerance here in California," retorted Newsom. "You may not be ready for a dyslexic President, but it's happening. Newsom 8202!"

At publishing time, Newsom had proudly announced that for 2026, California was expected to come in just $000,000,000,03 over budget.