Prominent Muslim Leader Resigns

In a stunning fall from power, one of the world's foremost Muslim leaders was forced to resign as Prime Minister of the United Kingdom.

Keir Starmer, a preeminent voice for Islam on the world stage over the past several years, announced his resignation this morning after losing the support of several powerful mosques.

"It is time for someone else to lead the intifada," said Starmer, standing outside the Prime Minister's residence at 10 Downing Street. "I have had the great privilege these past few years of heading up the Muslim takeover of England, glory to Allah. You know, 10 years ago, you couldn't stab a native citizen and have the police arrest him while he's dying. I'm extremely proud of the progress we've made, but it's time to hand over the proverbial scimitar to the next leader. Thank you, and Allahu Akbar."

According to sources within the Labour Party, the search had already begun for a devout Muslim leader to take Starmer's place. "We have some great potential options identified," said Labour leader Stanley Higgins. "There's Mohammed, Mohammed, Mohammed, and also Sir William Chestershire of Brighton. I think we're going to go with Mohammed."

At publishing time, Starmer had reportedly accepted a new position as an aide to the "probably gay" Ayatollah of Iran.