Fair: Trump Sets Letitia James's Bail At $355 Million

In an effort to ensure equal treatment of all people under the law, President Trump has set Letitia James's bail at $355 million.

Pundits have applauded Trump setting the high bail number to make the financial ramifications of James's crime fair and just.

"We just want everyone to be treated equally," said a smiling Trump. "I will not charge her one penny more than she charged me. I'm a tough guy, but I'm a fair guy. I thought about making it a bigger number. I can think of such big numbers, the biggest numbers, believe me, I thought of them, right here in my head. But I decided not to do that to her, because I care too much about bringing the country back together."

While Ms. James expressed outrage at the high number, President Trump stated that she should really be worried more about the interest rate. "The interest on $355 million, it's going to be a killer, let me tell you," said Trump. "But you have to take it up with Jerome Powell. Do you know Letitia had a billboard made to show how much money she was coming after me for, with interest and everything? Nasty woman. I almost feel bad for her with the interest rates being so terrible, but that's all Jerome. He's an idiot, really a low-IQ guy, Jerome."

At publishing time, Trump had announced that Ms. James would be given a fair, impartial trial with Judge Matt Walsh.