More bad news for Trump and Tesla. China demos EV battery that charges in 5 minutes.

Photo above - if you can't wait 44 minutes for your EV to charge, this is one possible solution. So is China's new 5-minute rechargeable battery . . .

“Wow . . . that was fast”. Instead of taking 20 or 30 minutes for Tesla charge – and a quickie – this can now all be over in as little as 5 minutes. Some will rejoice; others weep. Chinese carmaker BYD (“build your demise”) invented what has eluded Musk for a decade. While he was distracted by siring 14 kids and driving Twitter into the ground: the 5-minute rechargeable EV battery. See MSN link below.

Full disclosure – the writer did not personally observe this Chinese EV miracle. Nor has any credentialed western engineer. But it could very well be true. And if it is, it’s probably going to turn up first in smartphones and laptops, right?

Um . . . no. Let’s walk that one back. The 5-minute top off requires a massive 1,000 KwH charging station. 4 times as ginormous as Tesla’s “state of the art” 250 KwH. It also leapfrogs the coming 800-volt DC fast chargers. Which nobody is installing because they cost $50,000 out of the box, and another $20K to install. And because your max household current is 220 volts, not 800.

Okay haters, you can stop with the Cybertruck arson and swastikas now. Tesla is toast. There’s a new villain in town. China has finally moved beyond the era of “cooler styling than a Telsa Model 3 but still fails the US crash safety test.”

See Elon . . . this what you get if you turn your attention away from keeping Tesla up to date. Instead you were focused on “Plan 9 from Mars”, luring prospective baby mommas on Tinder, and making Twitter safe for holocaust denial. All we really wanted was faster charging, lower cost, and a design that doesn’t scream “I’m a clueless dork.”

Someone raised their hand in the back? Yes sir . . . you have a question? You’re asking what about the 10% tariff on Chinese EVs? (Or is it 15, or 25 today? What day of the week is it?). Thank you for that question. Let me pose one in return: who here would rather pay a $7,000 tariff on a $25,000 BYD EV (total cost $32,000) that recharges in 5 minutes, instead of (maybe) getting a $7,500 federal tax rebate on a Ford F150 “Lightning” EV which stickers for $90,000, and takes 44 minutes to recharge? (Official Ford website data).

Okay, everyone quit your pi$$ing and moaning. We all knew this day would come. Current battery technology sucks. That’s why most people AREN'T driving an EV. They’re expensive, slow to recharge, insanely heavy, and they catch fire if they even smell salt water. Or sometimes for no apparent reason at all.

Ford . . . smart move cancelling your (Biden federal grant funded) EV battery factory last year. GM, your “Ultrium” batteries are now DOA too. UAW assembly line workers, watch out: your $140K jobs are possibly in danger. Your next gig might be as a Postmates driver delivering champagne to investors who saw this coming. BYD shares are up 50% already in 2025, and that was BEFORE yesterday's 5-minute battery demonstration.

I just hope we’re not going to find out that 1 million Chinese Uighurs in outer Mongolia labor camps are the ones making these new batteries.

I’m just sayin’ . . .

BYD says it can charge an EV in 5 minutes. That's yet another challenge for Tesla.