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Democrats Delay Kash Patel Vote As FBI Hasn't Finished Shredding All Their Documents

According to sources in the nation's capital, Senate Democrats have managed to delay their confirmation vote on Kash Patel one week, to give the FBI more time to finish shredding all their documents.

"There's a lot to shred," said one anonymous source. "It's just standard procedure. "We're, um, just making sure the place is nice and, um, clean for FBI Director Patel. We're really excited to meet him. We don't have anything to hide or anything, we just need another week or so. No big deal."

The FBI assured the public they'll have things cleaned up in no time.

At publishing time, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell responded to the delay by asking who Kash Patel was and slipping into another coma.
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4meAndyou · F
Daniel Hoffman, former CIA head of station, said on Fox News, quite seriously, that Ratcliffe had better go really, really slow, and be VERY careful in offering buyouts to members of the CIA...because those are people who have "certain skills", and mentioned that bad things might happen if, for example, the entire section taking care of China, for example, were to take a buy out.