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Socially Awkward

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I'm floored (w some update)

A 70 yr old man showed an image of a lady in her underwear to a couple of other men at the gym where I play sports. He's not just any man. I talk to him at the gym almost everyday. Sometimes we're on the same team. Sometimes we're opponents. It's always been fun for me. Obviously he thought this behavior -sharing of photos-would stay just "between the guys", but it didn't. He seems friendly and goodly. Im friendly with everyone at this gym including this man. He calls me his friend. I introduced him to my husband one day. He wants to get together outside of the gym. But now Im so discouraged by his actions. It feels socially awkward. To be told about his actions by another couple of friends. Awkward. I almost don't want to go to the gym anymore. But there are good people there. It's been my favorite place and I actually feel sorry for him. He needs this pastime since he's basically retired. It's impossible to include everything here. I want to maintain anonymity and so no more details. It's just weird and I've not had to be in this situation before.

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Gross

uncalled4 · 56-60, M

Did you see the picture? Did any other women see it?

Mindful · 56-60, F

@uncalled4 no. But it's not the first time he's been accused of doing that.

uncalled4 · 56-60, M

@Mindful Then he should grow up and not do things like that.

RedBaron · M

How did he actually harm you with a racy photo?

HootyTheNightOwl

@RedBaron I think what you meant to ask is "Why is it even appropriate to be sharing pictures of this woman??? Especially when it cannot be verified that she consented to this".

It's that woman's turn today... what stops it being a child tomorrow???

Mindful · 56-60, F

@RedBaron I'm not being harmed except maybe socially. And now I have to decide whether or not I will include him in. "I will be playing today". text messages.

SirLirkALot · 46-50, M

while not a good sign it's also not entirely a red flag that he finds women in underwear attractive, so I would only say avoid if there are other warning signs.

Mindful · 56-60, F

@SirLirkALot the way you put it is funny. I just think he's from a different decade where showing other men such images may have been okay, but it's not okay in this decade in a co-ed environment. He -at least- is not showing them to women.

Rabscuttle · 41-45

Are you "floored" by being exposed to the contents of conversation you weren't a part of, or just made uncomfortable by the existence of human sexuality?

View 1 more replies »

Mindful · 56-60, F

@Rabscuttle i'm floored because he wants to be my friend. He wants me to text him when I'm coming to the gym to play pickle ball. This is not uncommon in sports to text/ask "are you going to play today?" But now I'm conflicted about it. Is this a normal thing guys do with each other? In a public place? I don't see him as a pervert, but maybe he does see women as only good for one thing? He is friendly, yes. I don't think he realizes these men he is trusting, are repeating/retelling the incident and it doesn't sit well with women who hear it. Women only hear the shortened version. *so and so was showing this and that* .

Rabscuttle · 41-45

@Mindful So, the latter, then- you get secondhand evidence that he's sexually attracted to women, and you automatically assume that he thinks "women are only good for one thing". Have you ever thought how it would sound coming from the other direction?

Mindful · 56-60, F

@Rabscuttle I'm here to listen to other opinions. Not mine. Feel free to explain a different POV.

ninalanyon · 70-79, T

If you are on good terms with him perhaps you should mention it to him and point out that it is not the done thing.

Perhaps he is ignorant rather than stupid and hence capable of change.

I know it could be a difficult thing to do and I would also find it difficult but if no one calls people out they will just continue.

Ontheroad · M

It's disrespectful and a clear sign that he sees women as objects.

Mindful · 56-60, F

@Ontheroad when I told my husband, he was like, "that is so sad, maybe he's on medication or has a mental illness -- he should know that's unacceptable" He runs his own business so it's not like he's going to put himself thru sexual harassment training.I think he's from a different era where locker room talk was okay ish.

Ontheroad · M

@Mindful it's the ole "boys will be boys" thing and while your husband was right that the guy was from a different era, but not that different. I am his age and actually it was never okay then, but it was for sure more hidden. It's sad that even today young and old alike, too many men see women as objects.

Mindful · 56-60, F

@Ontheroad it's just weird. It's a public place (gym)with all genders. I like to think of him as a gym friend. But am I being complacent? Or is it okay to pretend I know nothing?

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Mindful · 56-60, F

@jshm2 Yes, I am a third party to THIS incident and and I should not know about this except that someone CAME to ME to tell me what happened while I was out of town I did NOT ask. . Someone ELSE felt the need to tell ME. I am here because this is an anonymous site, and sharing this here should not ever affect him (and I do want to know how others who may be different from me) feel about this. I appreciate your point of view. I find it interesting that my shock to you is "being nosey Nancy" and that I am creating "drama" herein your POV. For the record, I won't be repeating this story to anyone at the gym because I suspect he's trying to fit in with the guys. And maybe like you said he's trying to set someone up.

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