How to handle a narcissistic mother?

My mother is narcissistic. We use to get a long very well when as younger but now as I’m getting older and realizing who she really is- I can’t stand her. For example my grandmother fell and I kept urging her to take her to the hospital but she kept brushing it off saying that it was nothing. I kept saying that she definitely broke a bone and she kept arguing that she knows better and that she is going to be fine. A few weeks later she died. It has left the biggest hole in my heart and I keep wondering ‘what if’ and that she would still be alive if my mom let her go to the hospital in time. For everything in life she always blames other people never her self. For example for my gmas funeral she forgot to get a priest (nobody showed up). We were all so mad and she said it was the funerals home responsibility. I even invited my bfs parents and they were so shocked. I felt so embarrassed and ashamed. She is the most irresponsible person and blames others for making mistakes. How do I distance myself from her even if I am financially dependent on her without driving myself insane?

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LandOfOz · 61-69, M

Any reason why you didnt take her to hospital

LordShadowfire · 46-50, M

@LandOfOz You can't force somebody to go to the hospital if they don't want to go. Like, legally, you can't.

LandOfOz · 61-69, M

@LordShadowfire whos talking about forcing there was no mention of that

Glossy · F

@LordShadowfire well, that lets the mother off the hook.

LordShadowfire · 46-50, M

@LandOfOz She was refusing to go. What do you do when somebody refuses to go to the hospital?

Glossy · F

@LordShadowfire Then how can you blame your mother for it?

LandOfOz · 61-69, M

@LordShadowfire read the article properly . Her mother refused to take her. Geeez

LordShadowfire · 46-50, M

@LandOfOz I was about to quote it to you to prove you're wrong, when I realized you're right. I misread it.

Glossy · F

@LordShadowfire I’m still not clear.

If the mother was refusing to take the grandmother to the hospital, then the daughter could’ve taken the grandmother themselves.

If the grandmother was refusing to go to hospital, then you can’t blame the mother for not taking her.

If the daughter thinks the grandmother should have gone to hospital whether she wanted to or not, then she should’ve called the paramedics.

In any event, I don’t see what the mother could’ve done that would have changed the outcome.

LandOfOz · 61-69, M

@Glossy firstly there is no mention of grandma refusing to go. Secondly yes the grand daughter could have called paramedics or taken her herself to hospital. Thirdly the narcistic mum could have been more caring but the grand daughter could have done it herself. In my opinion both are truly uncaring

LordShadowfire · 46-50, M

@Glossy Well, I was wrong. The grandmother, it sounds like, would have gone, but the mother refused.

Glossy · F

@LordShadowfire so, no one was stopping gran from calling a taxi. Or, the daughter could have called one. I’m not really seeing the problem, here.

LandOfOz · 61-69, M

@Glossy asumming grandma could think for herself there isnt a problem

Sensitiveheart · 31-35, F

@LandOfOz I am living in another country, I couldn’t take her myself

LandOfOz · 61-69, M

@Sensitiveheart You were asking how do you distance yourself fom yoùr mum. Sounds like ÿou have done that. And what makes you so sure that grandma had a broken bone?