I dont think I'm capable of real love.

@RedGrizzly hmm. Ill have to meditate on that.

@Desolate mmmhmn, it'll take some time ngl. I've spent the last few months doing so and it's change my perspective on life like a whole 180 degrees. Lol

@RedGrizzly ive been on this trek for the last 2 months. Its been real hard. Im hoping to get this epiphany soon.

@Desolate Yup. It's a tough time...but a necessary one because then you'll actually find what would make you happy and set your sights on it...versus being in relationships where it's like you're forcing yourself to play the part, you know?

Fyi, because you're in this still period and changing course for your life doesn't mean you're not capable of love or to receive love. Just means relationships aren't a huge priority right now.
Now, I really can only speak for myself but I'm just sharing what I've learned because I see myself in you going through something quite similar to what I'm facing.

@RedGrizzly what did you end up finding made you happy?

@Desolate without telling you my life story. Lol I ended up finding I wasn't cut out for the "let's settle down in a big house you can't afford from your boring 9-5 job and raise a family" let alone expending my energy to convince someone to like me for intimacy and maintaining a relationship. Sure, loneliness is a struggle but anything other than that it's all consuming of my time and effort when what I really value above all else is *freedom*. Freedom to explore places, to gain new experiences, and living a peaceful life either on the road or someplace in a big ol' plot of land...now those sound like long term goals, they are, but I'm happier because I'm remaining true to myself and taking steps to reaching the lifestyle I am wanting.