I’m so bored with people who won’t do anything to help make their lives better.

I understand depression deeply, anxiety, trauma, being frozen with fear and lashing out. But with all I went through, I knew I wanted to heal. I knew I wanted to be healthier. I felt this loving source within me that kept me moving even when I wanted to destroy myself. I lashed out on here sometimes, and people turned their backs, understandably so I suppose. I never would’ve forced my shit on anyone, I just wanted to release the pressure before I blew up. I don’t have anyone to talk to. It’s when people resist, or think it’s fine to just dwindle into nothing.

My son’s dad now is having trouble with his feet. He’s 35 and almost 500lbs. Just had part of heel cut off due to an infected bed sore… he can’t walk or drive and I’m just getting back after eight months on the road with our son. I was hoping for a drop of rest and time alone, but it’s not gonna happen.

It’s great for me that I’ve been able to heal and improve my mental well being in huge ways. I’ve worked hard, and it wasn’t pretty at all. But now on the other side, I feel even more alone and responsible for everyone but myself. And I did it all myself while juggling full time single mom van life… so fkn a I just wish I could get a bit of a break from other peoples shit. Or spend time with someone who has been through similar and come out due to their own creative integrity and hard inner work. But alas, the world is broken. It was never me that was broken. I never deserved to be insulted or ditched, nor does anyone else, it’s just when peeps won’t help themselves, they’re just dead dragging weight. I’m sick of carrying it when they can just dump it.