I'm a Loner Most of the Time

It's not on purpose. Although I do enjoy time to myself. I just find it really easy to be alone. I've always had a weird sense of detachment from, well everything. Friends, people I love, places and things I love, I've just always had the feeling of not quite fitting in. It's not like I have ever been unwelcomed. Quite the opposite. I don't think I could even explain it properly. The point being that for me it is too easy to let connections fade. And keeping to myself is really easy too.

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Coralmist · 41-45, F

I feel the same way..and often wonder if people see me as a occasional recluse. When I decline certain social events😞 I do enjoy being with friends but new settings or people give me anxiety. ...I feel theyll have expectations I cant meet.Guess I need to work. On not caring about others needs so much

grayhalo · 41-45, M

@Coralmist Maybe the anxiety has a lot to do with it? I can socialize pretty easy if I have to, I just feel awkward and out of place. I suppose I could host, but I'd be to concerned if everyone is having a good time to even enjoy it. For better or for worse, I can also blend in and disappear pretty easily.

Coralmist · 41-45, F

Yeah anxiety for me creeps up with new people, if I feel especially I need to impress them😦 I love socializing, but more with people I’ve already known a bit. I’m working on it a lot because it’s been keeping me from dating, and it makes me feel so lonely or low, wondering when I’ll just STOP worrying what a guy thinks of me, am I good enough etc😕@grayhalo

grayhalo · 41-45, M

I understand that. A lot. You kind of have to force yourself to be social while at the same time not worrying about how well you doing because then it will just make things all awkward.

Coralmist · 41-45, F

EXACTLY, it’s like a paradox.. on one hand we want to know someone enjoys us, our appearance, personality etc, and on the other they say don’t try to impress someone or a date/care what they’re thinking......ahhhhhh!!🙈@grayhalo

grayhalo · 41-45, M

Yup. Hence we find a nice quiet little hole to hide in.

Coralmist · 41-45, F

It’s what prevents me dating and it’s so hard to heal this😕 Sometimes I love that little hole, other times I get so sad about it...😞 Thanks..good to know others are feeling that too@grayhalo

grayhalo · 41-45, M

Who wouldn't love the little hole. It's comfy and doesn't judge you. It sucks but it's one of those things, you just have to go and do it, stupid insecurities be dammed. And hope to god you don't give the insecurities anything new to mess with you.

Coralmist · 41-45, F

Right I think we’re assessing ourselves so much, we forget the other person is a LOT like us in many ways.. and isn’t that more important than these worries of them seeing the REAL you inside? Like we are some insignificant alien type creature? Yes you insecuritiy be damned!!😤🙃@grayhalo

grayhalo · 41-45, M

Yeah, other people probably have just as much going on that they probably don't notice we are freaking out inside.
I also have that thing where if someone speaks to me first, sometimes a little part of my brain is wondering why. Whats going on?

Coralmist · 41-45, F

Yes, they’re most likely thinking what are WE thinking of them, slightly freaking inside and not showing it. Guess that cancels both peoples fear OUT, right? Lol. Maybe it’s mathematical, the cure. Lol. Yeah I wonder too like do you WANT something from me, or what angle they’re coming from, when in reality they could just be feeling confident...@grayhalo

Coralmist · 41-45, F

@grayhalo for that last part, in relation to someone speaking first

grayhalo · 41-45, M

I've also been completely oblivious to people coming on to me. I only know because it was pointed out to me after the fact.

Coralmist · 41-45, F

Yeah I can never tell if they’re being friendly, or flirting, I’m oblivious to it in past too lol@grayhalo

grayhalo · 41-45, M

It's a pain in the ass. lol

Coralmist · 41-45, F

😆 lol@grayhalo