What's a good way of being condescending without sounding condescending?

The best I got is

You belong to us;
we are yours

"You belong to us" sounds very condescending, but the follow up makes it sound like a much more balanced relationship with the right give and take. But it's very condescending!

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MarkPaul · 26-30, M

I favour, "Let me explain this in a way that even you can understand."

ImperialAerosolKidFromEP · 51-55, M

@MarkPaul I have a feeling that if I said that to the lowest IQ SWeep I could find, I wouldn't be making a friend

MarkPaul · 26-30, M

@ImperialAerosolKidFromEP Well yeah. It's a guaranteed block. But it's not condescending; it's honest. Now, if it's making friends that you are all about, then the best approach is to just give them a thumb up emoji and deal with the unresolved conflict you will feel.