How would you suggest handling a man or relationship with a man who isn't used to thinking about how his words and actions might make another person..
Feel?
36-40, F
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First find out why.
Is he a narcissist?
Is he on the Spectrum?
Does he have ADHD?
Is he a drug addict?
If any of these, I'd suggest leaving the relationship, or learning to adapt to unwelcome behaviours that are unlikely to change.
If he's merely inexperienced, immature or spoilt, you'll need to tell him how his behaviours affect you and ask for a change that is specific and doable. Remember, it's a request only. He has the right to choose how he responds. If he loves you and cares about your well being he will freely want to make the changes so long as they don't have any adverse effects on him. If what you both want is incompatible, see if there's a third solution, something creative that works equally well for you both.
If none of this works, leave and look for a man who has emotional intelligence.
Is he a narcissist?
Is he on the Spectrum?
Does he have ADHD?
Is he a drug addict?
If any of these, I'd suggest leaving the relationship, or learning to adapt to unwelcome behaviours that are unlikely to change.
If he's merely inexperienced, immature or spoilt, you'll need to tell him how his behaviours affect you and ask for a change that is specific and doable. Remember, it's a request only. He has the right to choose how he responds. If he loves you and cares about your well being he will freely want to make the changes so long as they don't have any adverse effects on him. If what you both want is incompatible, see if there's a third solution, something creative that works equally well for you both.
If none of this works, leave and look for a man who has emotional intelligence.
@perceptivei Emotional intelligence can be proactively learned.
Most of us now understand that the brain is "plastic", meaning it can change through what it practices, much the same way as we can improve our fitness, flexibility and physical skills.
Try leaving a copy of Daniel Goleman's book "Emotional Intelligence" on the coffee table. Perhaps it might spark an interest in your beloved. Beginning to understand what it is and how it works might motivate the journey towards positive change. There are many paths. Vipassana meditation can be very helpful for improved self-awareness. When we are more in touch with our own emotions we start to recognise the feelings of others.
Anger is always a secondary emotion, the result of either fear, shame or pain (either physical or emotional). Getting to the feelings underneath anger is the key to finding out what the person's needs are.
Whoever is the most angry is the one who needs a listening ear; it's really a kind of cry for help.
Sometimes, all that's needed in empathy and understanding.
Other times it might need practical action, looking for creative solutions that meet the needs of each person equally.
Most of us now understand that the brain is "plastic", meaning it can change through what it practices, much the same way as we can improve our fitness, flexibility and physical skills.
Try leaving a copy of Daniel Goleman's book "Emotional Intelligence" on the coffee table. Perhaps it might spark an interest in your beloved. Beginning to understand what it is and how it works might motivate the journey towards positive change. There are many paths. Vipassana meditation can be very helpful for improved self-awareness. When we are more in touch with our own emotions we start to recognise the feelings of others.
Anger is always a secondary emotion, the result of either fear, shame or pain (either physical or emotional). Getting to the feelings underneath anger is the key to finding out what the person's needs are.
Whoever is the most angry is the one who needs a listening ear; it's really a kind of cry for help.
Sometimes, all that's needed in empathy and understanding.
Other times it might need practical action, looking for creative solutions that meet the needs of each person equally.
Quite frankly this person has no respect for himself or others, there are boundary issues and his personality is unpredictable. I suggest moving on and not building a relationship. If a person does pursue a relationship there will be a one sided relationship with communication, authority issues, and potential disrespect if things don't go his way
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WhateverWorks · 36-40
The important thing is that once you communicate something they are receptive and make continuous effort to not do the thing anymore, so that is very good sign @perceptivei
@perceptivei You seem like you're in denial but proceed I will mind my business I wish you the best!
therighttothink50 · 56-60, M
Dump him, those who don't have the capability of feeling empathy for others are soulless.
We all want to hear the truth, but there are times we need to be comforted. Selfish people make the world a horrible place to live.
Every word and action one takes in life has consequences, mature people understand this, children don't, nor do adults who never grew up.
We all want to hear the truth, but there are times we need to be comforted. Selfish people make the world a horrible place to live.
Every word and action one takes in life has consequences, mature people understand this, children don't, nor do adults who never grew up.
perceptivei · 36-40, F
@therighttothink50 It's not that bad. I promise. It's smaller issues.
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perceptivei · 36-40, F
@jshm2 He's a nice guy. It's just he doesn't remember to think about how little things might make me feel.
LondonCowboy · 51-55, M
WhateverWorks · 36-40
I would leave/stay away from them because there’s no tactic to get someone to be less self-involved. Not being self involved requires empathy, self-control, strong sense of personal responsibility and willingness to take accountability, executive functioning skills etc..
The only exception to this is if they are a child with a brain and sense of self that’s still developing or an unexpected traumatic event.
The only exception to this is if they are a child with a brain and sense of self that’s still developing or an unexpected traumatic event.
DownTheStreet · 56-60, M
Changeisgonnacome · 61-69, F
Dainbramadge · 56-60, M
checkoutanytime · M
Feelings? Really, what about taking care of whats important to sustain.