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Birds Aren’t Real Was the Distraction—It’s TREES That Are the Real Surveillance System

Everyone laughed at “Birds Aren’t Real.” Classic misdirection. While people were busy joking about robot pigeons, they missed the real threat: trees.

Yes, trees. Those ancient, silent, all-seeing towers standing in every park, forest, and backyard. Planted not just for shade or oxygen—but for observation. You think it’s natural that they’re EVERYWHERE humans settle? That they grow in such mathematically perfect patterns? That they live for centuries without dying or rotting?

They’re living antennae.

Let me break it down:

Their root systems are interconnected across miles—literal underground networks. Think internet cables, but organic. What we call “mycelium” or “fungal communication”? That’s their fiber-optic network.
Their canopies are full-spectrum sensors—sensitive to movement, sound, and electromagnetic fields. They’re not just reacting to sunlight—they’re reacting to you.
Every leaf? A micro-panel. A signal-catcher. Some advanced species (oak, redwood, baobab) can store and relay data for decades.
Governments and corporations don’t need 5G towers in rural zones. They already have an ancient surveillance system in place. That’s why deforestation happens only in “controlled” ways—because if the wrong trees fall, the wrong secrets come out.

And don’t get me started on Christmas trees. You’re literally inviting a live wire of the Earth’s surveillance grid into your living room, dressing it up, and singing to it.

Why do you think people feel “watched” in forests?
Because they are.
Trees don’t sleep.
They remember.

🌲 Trust wood at your own risk. 🌲
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Sidewinder · 36-40, M
Trust wood at your own risk.

Do you trust YOUR wood?
WowwGirl · 36-40, F
@Sidewinder hells going on here?
Sidewinder · 36-40, M
@WowwGirl Just a little crude anatomical humor, that's all.
WowwGirl · 36-40, F
@Sidewinder sounds crazy
Sidewinder · 36-40, M
@WowwGirl Crazy or not, the aforementioned joke is a euphemism for a certain part of the male anatomy.

(No points for guessing which part)
WowwGirl · 36-40, F
@Sidewinder no I think something is off
Sidewinder · 36-40, M
@WowwGirl I didn't ask you, I asked @Michael1227 if he trusts HIS wood.
Michael1227 · 26-30, M
@Sidewinder yeah my woods great thanks mate x
Sidewinder · 36-40, M
@Michael1227 Your mention of trees being a "surveillance system" just reminded me of an old dad joke I heard when I was a kid which goes...

Q: Why shouldn't you tell secrets on a farm?

A: Because the potatoes 🥔have eyes, 👀the corn 🌽has ears 👂and the beans 🫛🫛talk.