Sometimes I feel stuck in the past when it comes to sexuality...

I never fantasized much about it, but have been more or less dragged into a few experiences I ended up enjoying. Now my fantasies are pretty much limited to repeating those, but that's not going to happen because the spontaneity and wondering what would happen next was part of the fun. I can't work towards a woman surprising me, and whatever anyone does from here on will be in the context of what I've already experienced rather than discovering a whole new concept.

My sex life for the past years and foreseeable future is reminiscing over past experiences, hoping something similar would happen again, knowing full well it won't, and ending disappointed and frustrated. 🥲

EDIT, as some people asked me what I hope for: I've mostly enjoyed banter and teasing around casual nudity with women, as well as talking about each other's experiences and fantasies. It would be great to meet a woman to do that more with, and who's willing to take the lead in exploring some new things.

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Beautyinbroken · 36-40, F

Not that im looking to date or be in any type of relationship with anybody but i already know imma look for him in whoever his characteristics, mannerisms, everything and thats gonna be unfair to both of us

NerdyPotato · M

@Beautyinbroken I think it makes perfect sense you can't stop that anytime soon though, if ever. 🤗 And it doesn't necessarily have to be unfair as long as you're looking for someone who is that way rather than trying to make someone more like him. The only unfair thing about that would be that you may pass on guys who are great for you in different ways.

Harmonium1923 · 51-55, M

It will happen for you. My best advice is to keep meeting people without worrying about whether they are perfect partners. Take some chances. Go on some blind dates. Even when things don’t work out it helps build the instincts to recognize when someone special comes along.

BadAssTunaBotHoe

You can never quite replicate those moments when it was all new, but that doesn't mean that it can't be just as good. You always somewhat relate similar experiences to each other but with each new person comes a new dynamic and some people are just mind blowingly good or particularly sensual and it can be a game changer.

NerdyPotato · M

@BadAssTunaBotHoe thanks, that seems reasonable. Fingers crossed that someone comes along to take me in tow then. 🤞

YourMomsSecretCrush · M

it is cool sometimes to go back and reminisce about past experiences. sometimes they almost seem surreal. now, im gonna be replaying those in my brain for the rest of my work day. LOL

midnightrose · F

So you can't enjoy new experiences because you're stuck wanting to repeat the old experiences? Am I understanding correctly?

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NerdyPotato · M

@midnightrose true, but you need to have ideas to take initiative in exploring, and that's what I'm lacking I guess. It would be nice to meet someone who has some new ideas to explore with me though.

midnightrose · F

@NerdyPotato That is helpful. Several years ago I joined a forum that talked about sexuality. We talked about a lot of different topics (it isn't around anymore unfortunately). It was a lot of how-tos but also discussions about fantasies, what people would like to try with their partner. I think being in that group introduced me to a lot of sexual ideas. Some of them began to sound exciting while others never really appealed to me. Some of that comes from knowing who you are as a person. I learned to step a little outside my comfort zone but there are boundaries I won't cross.

NerdyPotato · M

@midnightrose there's nothing wrong with boundaries. I think that's very important even if you get outside your comfort zone. And that forum sounds like it was a good place to explore. I know there's fetlife, but I've tried that and it's really focused on much more extreme stuff than what appeals to me.

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ShaneMckay · 41-45, M

@NerdyPotato I see.

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ShaneMckay · 41-45, M

@NerdyPotato Oh, darn!

OogieBoogie · F

Expectation is the biggest killer of sexual desire.... or rather, 'expecting a particular something' and not getting it.

Its one of the hardest things - to be in the moment, with that person completely, honestly and openly.

NerdyPotato · M

@OogieBoogie yes, I've noticed that... I'm not sure how to stop hoping for particular things though. 🥲 But the best experiences came from just going with the flow, though doing that also lead to a lot of boring things.

OogieBoogie · F

@NerdyPotato well this is where one needs to draw on ones own creativity 😉

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