LamontCranston · M
LaylaHoliday · 31-35, F
@LamontCranston yes, i'll drop a link to part 5 tomorrow 😊
Loverofthebeautiful · 46-50, F
LaylaHoliday · 31-35, F
@Loverofthebeautiful thank you. I'm going to write the next chapter now. I'll post a link when it is done
ViciDraco · 41-45, M
I can't imagine the complex a guy might get if his girlfriend dropped him to get with his mother, ouch.
The writing is good. The title is enough setup, we know who is being confronted in this excerpt. That initial sense of panic. What's she worried about, the mom not liking her as a match for the son? Is the subject expecting harsh judgement and havingto live up to temptations?
The initial pleasantries offered are fake, such is the power of nervousness present.
But then you read about the eyes. It's not fear or intimidation being felt. It is a person being stunned by beauty and trying to pull themselves back together. Trying to fight being enamored but wanting so strongly to submit to it.
The writing is good. The title is enough setup, we know who is being confronted in this excerpt. That initial sense of panic. What's she worried about, the mom not liking her as a match for the son? Is the subject expecting harsh judgement and havingto live up to temptations?
The initial pleasantries offered are fake, such is the power of nervousness present.
But then you read about the eyes. It's not fear or intimidation being felt. It is a person being stunned by beauty and trying to pull themselves back together. Trying to fight being enamored but wanting so strongly to submit to it.
LaylaHoliday · 31-35, F
@ViciDraco Exactly. Eddie, the narrator, is confused but mesmerized. I'm going to write the next chapter now. I'll post a link soon :)