Though I am Blessed

I think I'd be better of dead.
The problem is...., the people that depend on me would be so much worse off....

It's a sticky wicket when I stop and think about it.

Life is unfair.
It's certainly been unkind to me.

I've tried to be kind to almost everyone I've ever met.

Merry Christmastime - Happy New Year
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QLXX1dQcVCw

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PoetryNEmotion · F

So the people who love and who need you are keeping you alive? Same story you repeat. Can you not just count your many blessings and move on without this? Do not answer with some hard ass reply and doom speech, Rob. Seriously.

HikingMan · 51-55, M

Cyn, I would love to be able to reply as you wish. But my realities are what they are. I love the people that love me. I wish nothing but good things for them. But I am Not a Good Thing. I am an anchor that tethers those I love to secure foundations.

I love life and I
d love to live the way I wish.
But again..., i am but an anchor and foundation for others to build upon.
These words I speak are true and for that I cannot apologize.

I hope the world has treated you kinder than it has me.
For the things and circumstances I've endured I wouldn't wish on anyone.

I thank you for the hope and wishes you continuously send my way.
I'm sorry my world will not let me receive them.

Peace

PoetryNEmotion · F

@HikingMan Do you ever get tired from repeating the same things over and over ad nausem? I know you for what seems like a lifetime. I am sorry your life has been severe. I have had severe things happen to me too. I just do not repeat the same stuff like a broken record. You have people who love you and who depend upon you. Nothing wrong with that. Your doom and gloom world never changes. That is the world YOU choose. Reality. Truth. Good night.

HikingMan · 51-55, M

I do grow tired of it all.
That's probably why I long for death at this point of my life ?
Even as I struggle to provide and uplift those so close to me...

I've tried to change it over and over again.
My thoughts..., My emotions... My realities....
I've sought to change them all...

Alas, the world strikes back and puts me in my place time and again.
The fact that you can't see it and hope for better doesn't change that.
The condemnation you cast as you dismiss my thoughts as "repetitive" or as "My Choice" is a thing I do not abide.

I am happy for you that the world has offered you chances to forget.
Offered you places to be that aren't so bad.
Offered you thoughts to think that do not overwhelm you.

But my world has been different !

Do you think I am here looking for sympathy..?
Just playing The Victim..?
Without reason or Recourse..?

Such a weird thing for someone to say that "feels" like they know me.

Perhaps it shouldn't be a "Goodnight" perhaps it should just be Goodbye...?

I'd hate for you to be subjected to such a "broken record" as I...

Goodbye, Cynthia.
I wish you well and a whole lot of happiness.

PoetryNEmotion · F

@HikingMan You have no clue as to what you have. I can choose to not listen to your broken record. You have no real idea how I think. You are selfish in your way. I can tell exactly what you are going to say because it is always the same tune. You say: I am tough. I should die. I cannot. Everyone depends on me. Life is a burden. Deep inside I am broken. Blah. Blah. Blah. Do as you wish. As you say, you do anyway. Go look at the new baby. Then the other child. Reflect on them. Geez.