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A longer explanation behind my last post..TW: SA, abuse

I am just going to re-post what I just posted in my daughters of narcissistic mothers group..so I don't have to type it all again. There are portions that will be redundant to my last post, so I can give the context all in one place:

I was raped of my virginity, which I was saving for marriage. My cousin, who, unbeknownst to me, had been raped a week prior by a different monster in the room adjacent...instead of coming to me directly, found the blood spot on the bed at my grandmother's house...and went to my mother.

My mother then told me I had "spread my legs", was a "wh*re", and set about cleaning up any evidence left behind. She then kicked me out of my grandmother's house (she had POA and wielded it like a sword), and I was homeless for a time.

After a longgg series of other abuses and smear campaigns, I stopped coming to holidays. She then sent her flying monkeys/my golden child siblings to attack me.

My brother laughed and said I am not a Christian because I "have no fruits of the Spirit" and "will not forgive my mother" (he beat me up in a hotel room too, then they took him out to dinner and left me behind..telling me that if I felt too fat when my pants fell down as he kicked me, I should should take my battered body to the gym..but I digress). My sister summed me up as a "bitter woman with bad boyfriends".

So Christmas came along..again, I did not attend. They then banded together and said that if I didn't subject myself to "family counseling" (a guise for further abuse), they would not speak to me. At the age of friggin 40, I EVEN ATTENDED, SOLELY to be able to stay in my nieces'/nephews' lives.

It came out through counseling that, back in the day, my high school had told my parents they wanted me to walk the stage in my school's graduation. I had only 8 other classmates, and we were the 2nd graduating class ever. My parents LIED to me and said I had to sit in the audience and watch my classmates walk without me. There were HUNDREDS of attendees, so my humiliation was a burning sear.

My mother also lied in counseling about allowing my cat to die. Aaaanywayyyy..I am veering from the most recent point..getting there, promise.

2/9/24 I get an email signed by every adult in my immediate family: in-laws as well. When I had left family counseling bc the counselor was AWFUL and didn't even believe me about my brother's brutalization, they disowned me. Their verbiage was that, until such time that I "repent", I can have no contact with them or my nieces and nephews..even to buy them gifts (they knew that I looked SO forward to giving gifts at Christmas and seeing them giddy with glee).

By this time, I had my own house, etc..so I was virtually untouchable aside from the bigger things: vacations without me, not being in the will, and I am bracing now for further abuses IF i get told about my dad's eventual funeral. Last night at almost 10pm, I got these texts (see pictures).

They won't even tell me directly, and had some TEXT service supposedly send them (there is no period in that first paragraph, and this is how my mother speaks..plus the area code is where my brother lives). The phone number is not reverse searchable, and it doesn't say the name of the text service.

To say I am having an awful time of it, finding this news out months later..no indication of where my dad is..no way to respond back..no way to make him better...I have a hacking chest cough, so I can't even CRY properly....And when I posted the pics on my fb to supposedly close friends, a guy said he found them "lowkey funny" and laugh reacted.

Will it never end???

Now I have to reply "YES" or "STOP"....I have not responded, bc this seems like a way for my mother to see if she has one way access to me. Would y'all respond?

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MambaJuice · 41-45, M
@foldedunfolding
Yeah I’d say respond YES and this is why
Not because they deserve anything from you
Not because you owe anybody access
And definitely not because it cancels out the abuse you lived through
I’m saying YES for you
You already had too much taken from you your safety your dignity your voice your place in the family and now maybe even updates about your own father
Saying yes ain’t giving in it’s you taking control back
You’re allowed to know what’s going on with your own parent without it meaning you forgiving anybody reconnecting or opening your life back up
Getting information does not mean engagement
You can read a message and keep it moving
You can know what’s happening and not respond
You can stay aware without reopening doors you worked hard to close
That’s strength
People who abuse others love to act like boundaries gotta be all or nothing but that’s a lie
Boundaries can be smart they can be flexible they can be strategic
If they try to use updates to poke at you guilt trip you or manipulate you then cool you can block them later when you’re clear headed not reacting off emotion
Saying yes doesn’t mean they still got power over you
It means you not in the dark anymore
After a lifetime of secrets lies and information being kept from you choosing knowledge is power
You not reaching for them
You standing solid in yourself
And if at any point it messes with your peace you can step back knowing you chose this on your own terms not out of fear