It's hard to be fecked up but really want to do better.
I have put a lot of work into my mental health and still do.
Sometimes I just want to cut or purge like I used to. Get that little rush of serotonin that kept me going.
Raw doggin it with straight self care and self respect is a strenuous conscious effort most days.
So I get why people give up on me. It hurts every frickin time but I let people go because I know I'm a mess. People I like and care about and what they think of me would be a mountain of pain to climb without adopting radical acceptance.
My newest goal is to stop complaining about being lonely. Then hopefully, eventually, not be lonely.
Because while I'm working on things, there is the pervasive fear and creeping of rot. Of not being fast enough and losing my chance at happiness, at the least, stability/safety for my son.
I've said it a million times, I never give up. And I mean it. My son will never see me give up.
Sometimes I just want to cut or purge like I used to. Get that little rush of serotonin that kept me going.
Raw doggin it with straight self care and self respect is a strenuous conscious effort most days.
So I get why people give up on me. It hurts every frickin time but I let people go because I know I'm a mess. People I like and care about and what they think of me would be a mountain of pain to climb without adopting radical acceptance.
My newest goal is to stop complaining about being lonely. Then hopefully, eventually, not be lonely.
Because while I'm working on things, there is the pervasive fear and creeping of rot. Of not being fast enough and losing my chance at happiness, at the least, stability/safety for my son.
I've said it a million times, I never give up. And I mean it. My son will never see me give up.
41-45, F
