Almost 1 am, can't sleep vibes 🌝
So much weighing on me and I feel like a child who can't fix anything. Like I need someone so badly but I dare not ask for emotional support. No one has time for me in this state, and I don't want to put my junk on someone else, but how to always be getting by on the skin of my teeth.
Do other people have someone they can call? Or is just the knowing that a loved one would rescue you?
What makes it so cold is that my son should have no one but me. A mother with no one. A family that hurts. An intelligent mind without proper challenge.
Here it sits a ball of pain in my chest. Me reaching for my internal resources like my therapist said, knowing damn well I'm too deeply tired.
These are the moments of pure suffering. Because there's nothing I can do except feel the weight of it all crushing down. Then needing caffeine to make it through the weekend job. My poor heart.
Yes, I do pity my heart. It's a sweet one. Caring and compassionate.
And all I know how to do is hurt it more.
Do other people have someone they can call? Or is just the knowing that a loved one would rescue you?
What makes it so cold is that my son should have no one but me. A mother with no one. A family that hurts. An intelligent mind without proper challenge.
Here it sits a ball of pain in my chest. Me reaching for my internal resources like my therapist said, knowing damn well I'm too deeply tired.
These are the moments of pure suffering. Because there's nothing I can do except feel the weight of it all crushing down. Then needing caffeine to make it through the weekend job. My poor heart.
Yes, I do pity my heart. It's a sweet one. Caring and compassionate.
And all I know how to do is hurt it more.
41-45, F
